My parents have never been shy to share their stories about growing up in Mexico and the poverty and little opportunities they had if they were to have stayed. It was clear to me from a young age that my parents had given up a lot in order to immigrate to the United States. They worked hard to get to where they are today and that’s something I have never taken for granted. But, it is also something that caused a great deal of pressure on me and many other first-generation Americans out there.
I grew up hearing “We came here to give you and your siblings a better life. We want you to go to school and be something in your life.” While those were words they meant to use to inspire my siblings and I to pursue our dreams and exceed in education in order to make a career for ourselves, it unfortunately also had some unintended consequences. My parents pushed us constantly to do well in school and for the most part I did. But, when my grades faltered, and I told them I was trying my best, my dad wouldn’t be shy to tell me that clearly I wasn’t trying hard enough otherwise I would be acing every class. Now, my dad wouldn’t say those things to belittle me, but rather to remind me that I need to do well, no matter what it takes.
I lost a lot of sleep my junior year when I got a job and wanted to prove I was just as hardworking as my parents, I wanted to make them proud of the daughter they had raised. But that came with a lot of pressure and stress, ultimately leading to a lot of anxiety.
I love my parents and I value all of the sacrifices they have made for my siblings and I but I cannot lie and say that the generational anxiety and trauma we were witness to, didn’t affect me. I lost countless hours of sleep because I kept in mind all the sacrifices my parents had made immigrating to the U.S. and I couldn’t disappoint them. Failure was not an option and I didn’t want to insult their hard work by not graduating high school and going off to college and starting a career for myself. Unfortunately, that mentality aided my anxiety and caused me to become incredibly stressed in my daily life.
First-generation Americans who are the sons and daughters of immigrants bear the pressure of not failing. We all want to make our parents proud of course, but something that makes the children of immigrants stand out is the fact that many have even more pressure by their family in order to succeed in their lives. While the pressure to do well in school and to stay motivated can be helpful, for me and for many others, it can be distressing in their lives and affect their overall daily functioning. I never realized how much the background of my parents could affect my mental health and it’s something that unfortunately isn’t recognized by many immigrant families.
I had long battled with anxiety and depression but sadly that is something that is not talked about much in my Latino household, a common trend in immigrant households as well. It took me having panic attack in front of my sister for my mom to recognize that it was serious and something I needed help with. I started going to therapy and quickly learned that a lot of the pressure I had put on myself was debilitating and not allowing me to function very well in my daily life. I learned that this is a common trend in the children of immigrants and is seldom talked about.
Having immigrant parents comes with a lot of anxiety and pressures but it also so amazing as we have the opportunity to make our parents proud and to honor all the sacrifices that were made for our sakes. But, something the sons and daughters of immigrants should keep in mind is: you do not have to be perfect. No one is perfect. While it may seem as though you have to be that perfect person and that your parents expect nothing but accomplishments from you, you have to allow yourself some slack. While of course that is something that is easier said than done, it’s not an impossible task. I guarantee you that one failed test or any other “failures” you may encounter in your life are not a disgrace to your parents or their sacrifices. I of course am a firm supporter of therapy but understand that for many it is unfortunately not an option, so I hope that we one day are able to provide that resource for everyone who needs it, especially to marginalized communities.