In the wise words of Olivia Dean, “maybe romantic love isn’t the forefront of your life right now, but love exists in so many forms.”
When most people think about love, they think of the romantic sort. The type of love that is the center of so many of our favorite books and movies. The type that many women dream of and yearn for. We often frame love as something tied to grand gestures, happily-ever-afters, flowers, dramatic poetic confessions, and being chosen. Romantic love is often seen as an achievement and a milestone we must aspire to reach. While romantic love is meaningful and important, there is so much more that goes into the definition, feeling, and action of love.Â
Love isn’t something to be achieved or something we should have to strive to obtain. Love can be found in quieter ways that often goes unnoticed, yet are just as meaningful as romantic love. Perhaps your friends and loved ones were the answer all along. No one has made me feel more loved than my female friendships. Romanic love may come and go, but female friendships are often a constant in a life full of ups and downs.Â
Genuine female friendship is often built on emotional vulnerability and deep understanding. Female friendships create spaces where women can share and talk through their thoughts, feelings, dreams, fears, and desires. Think about who shows up for you on your bad days, when you don’t have it all together, or when you just want to call someone up to chat. Women open new doors in your life simply by offering closeness. It’s not about grand gestures but emotional reciprocity. Through conversations over coffee, late at night, or over the phone, friends help us navigate the challenges romantic relationships bring, make career decisions, and celebrate the wins.Â
So much of that gets lost when romantic love becomes the center of how you feel about yourself or even the world. Society makes us believe that we lack love and intimacy if we are not with someone in an intense romantic sense. In reality, intimacy—a deep sense of connection and closeness–exists with the people we spend our everyday lives with.: the women we consider close friends. To be loved is to be known, and the women that I consider my friends truly know me.
Experiencing genuine female friendship is healing and so uniquely beautiful. The women in my life have truly taught me what real compassion and empathy look like. How just by being by someone’s side and maneuvering through life together makes all the difference. I think about the girls I was friends with in elementary school, with whom I experienced girlhood with by playing with dolls and learning how to grow up painting nails and strolling through the mall together. I think about the friendships that I still have from middle school, the friends I graduated high school with, who have seen me through so many different phases of my life and still choose to be friends with me. Or the women who I have met in college,another pivotal moment in one’s life. As the world keeps shifting, my female friendships have remained constant.Â
Genuine female friendship is an example of love that is non-transactional. Love that is not contingent on attraction, usefulness, or money. It exists because of how women choose to show up for, support, and care for one another.Â
So in a world that glorifies romantic love as the ultimate goal, it is worth remembering the love that already surrounds you. Some of the most powerful love exists in the form of female friendships. Because sometimes the people who shape our lives the most are not the people we fall in love with, but the people we choose to be friends with.Â