Like many, I love a small, unprecedented act of kindness. A random compliment on the train, someone holding the door open for you, your roommate (finally) unloading the dishwasher. It can brighten your day or even reinvigorate your faith in humanity. But it’s not a controversial statement to say it feels like those acts are becoming less and less common. Now, this is in no way me saying “Oh, Gen Z is so inconsiderate, so rude, so lazy.” I’m a member of Gen Z, after all, and I would have to self-reflect if I made any claims like that. After all, I’m what many call a loner, and I like it that way. I enjoy keeping my headphones in nearly 24/7 and doing things on my own, but–while out on one of my many solo adventures–I found myself thinking about the lack of said “good deeds.”
I took the Light Rail (as I always do, that is quite well known) to the International District on a hunt for a gift. I spent a good thirty minutes wandering around Uwajimaya, keeping my eyes open for anything that caught my eye. No luck, so I was on my way out. That’s when I saw an older woman, one using a walker, struggling to get up the stairs, grunting and breathing heavily. I looked at her and at the men sitting and standing closer to her, thinking, “Well, one of them is bound to help her.” But they didn’t, and once that realization hit, I rushed over to her, grabbed the other side of her walker, and helped her up the stairs.Â
I don’t say this to pat myself on the back; I’m pretty disappointed that I didn’t immediately jump into action. I found it emblematic of what, I think, is an issue worth addressing: the Bystander Effect.
The Bystander Effect, according to Psychology Today, is what “occurs when the presence of others discourages an individual from intervening in an emergency situation, against a bully, or during an assault or other crime. The greater the number of bystanders, the less likely it is for any one of them to provide help to a person in distress. People are more likely to take action in a crisis when there are few or no other witnesses present.” Overall, it’s a pretty negative context. When someone mentions “the Bystander Effect,” it’s in reference to a group of people doing nothing to mitigate suffering or inconvenience, and is sometimes used to shame. And while that may have been what occurred while in Uwajimaya on a lesser scale, it made me think, “Is that why it feels like no one does a small act of kindness? Do they think someone else will?” Does assuming someone else will do good stop you from doing good?
There are many things I considered common knowledge, such as holding the door open for the person behind you, thanking the person who is holding that door, moving to one side of the sidewalk to share the space with someone moving in the opposite direction, and plenty more. These are each incredibly small, yet strangely so deeply important to a well-functioning society. I know that I do these things, but I can’t help but feel like it’s not reciprocated. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do these small things expecting praise or for good karma, but simply because it feels good. But how good can it feel when the five people I held the door for don’t look me in the eye or utter a “thank you?” How good can you feel when you’re pushed off the sidewalk and into the grass to make way for a group of three that can’t separate for a matter of seconds to let you pass?
We’ve all experienced these, right?
It’s demoralizing. I’ve felt myself rolling my eyes more often recently, scoffing at the “audacity” of someone to not say thank you, to not move out of the way, for letting the door slam in my face. And that, albeit briefly, turns me off from wanting to do good. But what if these people are thinking the same thing, that someone else will say thank you, move out of the way, blah blah blah. Obviously, that does not negate the annoyance, but it does explain it in a slightly more optimistic light than just “Gen Z is so individualistic and thinks they’re the main character.”
But, yes, that is still an issue. One that I’m probably guilty of…
At a certain point, it goes beyond a personal level to something societally. For example, one of the main reasons people cite for not voting is that they think their vote doesn’t matter. That’s a whole separate can of worms, but–once again–feels interconnected with what I’m claiming. The assumption that “someone else” will step in to commit a good act stops many people from committing it themselves. “I’m not going to vote because others will,” “I’m not going to protest because others will,” “I’m not going to say anything because others will.” And if enough people think like that, soon enough, no one will step in.
All of this to say, don’t let the hypothetical idea of someone else doing something positive hold you back from doing the same thing. Two people rushing to help an old lady up the stairs is not a bad thing. I’ll take one side of the walker, you take the other.