The social scene in college looks vastly different for everyone. Some come into college with a group of friends and leave college with the same group of friends. Some join the Greek system and meet more people in a month than they’ve met in four years of high school. Some people form a few close relationships, but spend the most time with themselves. No matter what your current social landscape looks like, no matter how big or small your network is, one task remains vital: examine your relationships. All too often, the fear of being alone keeps many college students in relationships that aren’t truly satisfying. FOMO is alive and well in college, sustained by the endless snaps and instas that say “hey, look what I’m doing! I have friends!” However, it is so important to recognize that happiness and a sense of belonging aren’t cultivated by how many friends you have or how many parties you go to. These things rely on healthy, meaningful relationships. Relationships that exist out of shared values and not just shared classes or houses. In fact, some of the greatest friendships are formed between people who seem so different on the surface. People explain this by saying “opposites attact,” without realizing that the two people are similar on the deeper, integral levels. Successful relationships are driven by mutual understanding, not mutual friends. So instead of fretting about your lack of a #squad, focus on discovering what really matters to you and pursue it. You doing you will attract the right people into your life. Maybe not immediately, but eventually. And don’t forget about the friendships you already have and value. Maintain contact with the people you feel comfortable with, even if they’re old friends. Because in the end, 10 sustainable relationships are infinitely better than 50 shallow relationships. Four quarters over 100 pennies.
These dimes are the ultimate “four quarters.”
Without further ado, here are some ways to improve the quality of your college experience:
1. Spend time with people who encourage you to be better
In an economic sense, relationships are investments; they cost time. College is the time to explore your interests and start carving paths–not to mention balance classes, a social life, and your sleep schedule. So in the midst of all this, you want to make sure that your friendships are helping push you to be the person you want to be. You should always strive to improve yourself, otherwise you’ll stagnate. It’s hard to keep this mindset, but with friends who are supportive, challenging, and inspiring, you’ll naturally find yourself forming better habits. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn theorized that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Think about this. Take the time to evaluate your relationships and the time you spend with different friends. Flip cup is fun, but what about the moments that really matter?
2. Don’t just talk to the people you know in class
It’s tempting to sit with people you know, but it’s more rewarding to sit next to someone new. You never know what you might be missing out on, what a conversation could spark. You might be happy with the friends you have, hell, you might’ve signed up for the class together; but every single person around you has a story you could learn from. Everyone around you has the potential to grow you in different ways. College is an opportunity to expand your circle and ultimately your horizon in an immensely impactful way. Take advantage of the opportunity you have to do so. You’re paying to learn, right? Utilize all the resources around you–not just the books.
3. Make friends with students outside of your major
This is not only a good way to meet people with different perspectives, but also a good way to remember that the world is a big place–that life exists outside of your major. It’s so easy to get consumed in your classes and form an insulated mindset when you’re in the same building with the same people everyday. Meeting people with different goals, different mindsets, and different struggles within the academic realm will allow you to step back and see the bigger picture. It takes all types. Don’t underestimate or misjudge the value of someone’s intelligence just because their major is a “joke major.” That girl in that unusually specific and “useless” major could have the passion to change the world.
4. Ask that acquaintance to lunch
That intriguing person you met at a seminar, that boy who was in your group project last quarter, or maybe the floormate you always say hi to in passing. Honestly, what’s there to lose? If you find someone interesting, but are worried that you might seem too forward, don’t. They likely feel the same way. Many campuses are too big to let fate decide whether your paths will cross again. If you vibe with someone, trust your gut feeling and pursue it. You don’t have to be best friends, you might even find that you’re not compatible. But figure it out for yourself instead of letting a good thing pass you by.
5. Don’t force or focus on toxic relationships
What are some signs of a toxic relationship?
1. This person consistently takes but never gives and is looking out for number one at your inconvenience
2. This person is only nice when it’s just you two and is focused on social climbing
3. This person puts you down and leaves you feeling worse about yourself after hanging out; listen for those back-handed compliments
4. This person lives recklessly and is dependent on you
5. This person pressures you to do things you’re not comfortable with
Don’t think it’s selfish to cut negative ties in your life. Life is meant to be lived honestly and intentionally. This doesn’t mean you have to make an ordeal out of it. Just spend less time together or have a sincere and truthful conversation with the person if needed.
The biggest takeaway here is that you shouldn’t feel the need to match your reality to your once-held expectations. Your undergraduate years may not look like what you thought they would, what the movies portrayed them as. Accept this. Your journey is your own, not anyone else’s. Instead of envying someone else’s narrative, trust that your chapter is still being written, that the protagonists of your life will come when the time is right. And for those who are singing along with Asher Roth, continue living it up as you are. But, unlike Asher, make sure you’ll be able to tell people what you learned in school. Your life goes beyond this campus.