If your interests are anything like mine, I would assume that you have also fallen victim to devastating, single-season romantic television shows where the two main characters just cannot seem to work things out.
In other words, my fellow Normal People and One Day watchers: this article is for you.
However, for those of you who have not seen those shows, this article does include spoilers! I recommend grabbing some tissues, watching both shows, and then coming back to this article later!
Now, where were we? Oh yes—my obsession with tragic yet heartfelt television! As someone who gets very invested (maybe too invested?) in the media that I consume, shows like Normal People and One Day stick with me long after the final episode is over. With that said, because I don’t always resonate with sentimental or cheesy romances, I have often wondered what makes Normal People and One Day different—why did these specific shows affect me so much deeper than traditional depictions of romance or love?
After much thought, I think I have finally settled on an answer: One Day and Normal People offer their audiences so much more than just love. They are romantic stories—there is no doubt about that—but they also explore what it means to be a human while grappling with this romance. This imperfect, complicated, human element of being in a relationship is something I think many people (including myself) can connect to, making these shows all the more emotional, heart-wrenching, and impactful.
Let’s first take a closer look at each show individually, and then in conversation with one another.
one day
Dexter and Emma—where do I even begin with these two?
Dancing carelessly at a party whilst celebrating the end of their time at university, Dexter and Emma first meet after literally bumping into each other on the dancefloor. Their eyes linger on one another for a moment too long, letting the audience know that their meeting was—to put it lightly—meaningful. Looking back at this scene after finishing the show, I now understand how beautifully it hints at the overarching theme of their relationship: cautious captivation.
Whether it be the first night they meet, the years in which they are friends, or even the years when they no longer speak to each other, Dexter and Emma are always two forces acting against one another, deeply connected but never perfectly harmonious. They are captivated by one another, but also cautious about how to proceed. Constantly playing a game of tug-of-war, they are never quite able to find a balance between the right place, the right time, and the right feelings.
Worst of all, just when it seems like they have finally worked everything out, Emma dies. Just like that. In a split second, the balance Dexter and Emma have spent twenty years creating crumbles into nothing.
The truth about this, however sad it may be, is that it is Dexter and Emma’s reality. They don’t get to live happily ever after with one another. Trust me, I would do nearly anything to convince the writers to change their ending, to let them live out the dreams they spent so many years creating. That said, a perfect story is not always in the cards for every relationship, and in the case of Dexter and Emma, too many things got in the way.
normal people
This concept of “too many things getting in the way” is also a defining characteristic of Connell and Marianne’s relationship in Normal People. In the final weeks of secondary school, Connell and Marianne form a close, but secret, relationship with one another, consisting of hangouts after school and glances in the hallways. It is this insistence on secrecy, prompted by Connell’s insecurity and Marianne’s lack of popularity, that ultimately drives a wedge between the pair, who do not reunite again until college.
In college, the roles of Connell and Marianne switch: unlike secondary school, Marianne has found a tight-knit group of friends, while Connell suffers from loneliness and anxiety. However, despite their past issues, the seemingly innate connection between Connell and Marianne brings them back together, leading them through numerous ups and downs in their relationship over time. Both struggling with their own issues on their own timelines, the pair never seem to find one another in the right place at the right time, evident especially in the final episode.
Much like One Day, just when everything between Connell and Marianne seems to be finally working out, change arrives. Connell gets an opportunity to go to New York for school, and in a heartfelt scene with Marianne, they decide that she will stay, and he will go, and they will both be alright. In that sense, they don’t necessarily get their happy ending together, either.
And that is what this article is about.
in conversation
Why did Dexter and Emma let so much time pass before finally coming to terms with how they felt for each other? Why did Connell and Marianne let so many things—their fears, their insecurities, their personal struggles—get in the way of their love? Why don’t either couple get their perfect, fairytale ending?
Short answer: because they’re human. Long answer: also because they’re human.
Humans are complex and imperfect beings, meaning that when we begin falling in love or getting into relationships, we bring these complexities and imperfections with us. How we come to perceive these complexities and quirks, in both ourselves and in those around us, shapes our outlook on life and affects the ways we move through the world. In short, the complicated, human nature of our emotions can deeply affect our ability to foster meaningful connections—in both a positive and negative way.
Unfortunately for the characters in One Day and Normal People, their experiences as humans in love often led to miscommunication, animosity, and wasted time.
Though difficult to watch, it is the depiction of these complexities of character, these struggles and flaws, that make Normal People and One Day stand out to me among other romance shows. Every once in a while, we need a reminder that, just like us, love isn’t always perfect. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s tragic. Sometimes it doesn’t work out.
Perhaps that’s all a part of being a human. Perhaps that’s all a part of being in love.
However, as humans, we also have the ability to learn and grow. By watching couples like Dexter and Emma or Connell and Marianne, we can reflect on our own experiences with relationships and how we let our humanness impact connection (both positively and negatively).
We can learn that communication is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship.
We can learn that there will never be a perfect “right place, right time” to be together.
We can learn that every moment together matters, and it is through hard work and commitment that a relationship works, not through all the stars miraculously aligning in our favor.
We can learn that our complexities and imperfections make us who we are, in the best way possible.
We can learn to tell people we love them, before it is too late.