“Your 20’s are the best years of your life,” is what I have always heard—from family, friends, and even Carrie Bradshaw. While the larger part of me is filled with excitement for what is assumedly going to be an incredibly formative decade, the other part of me can’t help but reflect on the first two.
Unabashedly, loving cheesy motivational phrases, I have kept an ongoing list in my notes app of advice I have heard that has just stuck with me. Whether it comes from a favorite TV show or a professor teaching the psychology of death, I often return to these reminders when life feels difficult.
So without giving this very long list a very long introduction, here are my favorite 20 things I have learned before turning 20.
- Embrace change
I actually wrote my college essay about this one. Change is an inherent fear for many people. Growing up moving between my divorced parents’ homes meant constant change, but it also taught me to embrace new environments and look forward to opportunities ahead.
- Being alive is the special occasion
The rarity that you are here on earth right now should speak for itself. Wear the over-the-top dress, or heels casually. Have themed dinner parties with your friends “too” often. Say yes more.
Life is short—nothing actually requires a special occasion.
- “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” — A.A. Milne
Did I first hear this quote on the CBS show “Criminal Minds?” Yes. But as someone who always looks for the positive side of things, it resonates deeply. It hurts to say goodbye to people you love, but loving someone enough for it to hurt is a gift itself.
- You can’t be who you used to be and who you are going to be at the same time
Letting go of an old version of yourself is hard, but sometimes it’s the only way to grow.
- “To be is to let go! Self forgiveness makes the world better and you can’t become a good person while believing you’re a bad one.”
From author Matt Haig, best known for The Comfort Book and The Midnight Library, comes this quote that has stuck with me most. Sometimes we just need the reminder: don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s everyone’s first time living.
- If you know exactly what you want to be in life, you will become it, and that will be your punishment
Oscar Wilde once wrote about becoming “a grocer, a general, or a politician, or a judge,” and how certainty can become a trap of its own. As college students, we often feel pressure to have our lives mapped out the second we step into that first freshman year lecture hall. But there is something valuable about leaving room for exploration instead of committing to one rigid path.
- Nobody ever regretted the amount of education they got
In high school, a professor of the psychology of death told me that when people reflect on life at the end, none regret the education they pursued—regardless of cost, time, or subject. That perspective makes student loans feel a little less terrifying.
- You don’t have to, you get to
My roommates and I jokingly say this as we painstakingly study through finals, but it’s true. Education is a privilege. So is moving your body, attending class, buying a textbook. A small mindset shift can make difficult tasks feel lighter.
- Don’t ever limit yourself based on other people’s limited ability to see who you are
Just because someone thinks you can’t accomplish something doesn’t make it true. Don’t let other peoples’ perceptions define your goals.
- It’s hard to grow in an environment you’ve outgrown (like a hermit crab)
- Ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision
This phrase hangs on my 2026 vision board. Too often we wait until we feel ready to start something new, but readiness usually comes after we begin.
- The value of resting
It’s easy to feel guilty watching a comfort movie, cooking your favorite food, or spending time on a hobby when your to-do list is long. But rest matters; your brain needs time to recover.
- The worst people are the ones who make you feel bad for being excited about things
Never dull your enthusiasm because someone else finds it annoying. That says more about them than it does about you.
- Being a little embarrassed about somethings feels better than regretting not doing it
- Optimism won’t change a situation—but it can change how it feels
Apart from the relief of a good rant, pessimism gets you absolutely nowhere. Optimism may not fix the problem, but it can make the experience easier to carry.
- If your dreams don’t scare you, they probably aren’t big enough
- If you don’t clap for others it will never be your turn to be on stage
Celebrate other people’s successes, even if you wish you were in their shoes. Your turn will come eventually.
- Instead of “taking risks,” think of it as embracing exciting opportunities
Maybe this is just what I tell myself before doing something nerve-wracking, but reframing fear can make big decisions easier.
- Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice
- “Perhaps home is not a place, but an irrevocable condition.” — James Baldwin
This quote feels less like advice and more just something I strongly agree with. If college has taught me anything, it’s that home is often the people you surround yourself with. The friends who have become my home away from home make my world spin and that’s something no place alone could ever do.