Enter an era where we can lean in across an intangible cyber network to whisper our deepest secrets to faceless strangers oceans away. Surfacing into the real world, we sit across from friends and colleagues, struggling to read the life stories off their smiles and words, but not quite sure what’s going on within and how much we’re allowed to investigate. In many ways, the nature of social media removes our inhibitions and the boundaries we once thought inviolable. Through Facebook, Email, Twitter and more, we can insult and scream at strangers in different countries for their political ideologies (as we all witnessed of late), but the same is (almost) unthinkable in a University classroom or shopping mall. It’s widely acceptable to look up a person’s openly declared relationship status online (Damn, they’re taken!) but asking the same in a face-to-face encounter would earn one some fearful looks.
Moving away from such frivolity, though, here’s another thought: With the freedom and anonymity of the online world, if you could ask one single question to get that flash of life-changing perspective into the experiences and revelations of the people surrounding you, what question would you ask?
After much thought and multiple drafts, this is what we came up with:
“Will you tell the world about your best fight?”
These are the answers we received from a group of online volunteers who play multiple roles in life: parents, siblings, friends and students, alongside dissidents, strategists, activists and travellers. Given the full freedom to express and identify themselves without adhering to any standard format or regulations, we aimed to bring out a set of insights that are as original to their writers as possible.
We hope you enjoy reading about their fights and in the near future, honor your own as well.
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“I’ve thought long and hard about this question, and I have to say that my best (and still ongoing) fight is that with my own psychology. With figuring out what I want to do with my life, with discovering my identity, with not knowing where I’m going, with hating myself for not being of any benefit to the world. Alas, I’ve pulled my hair and cried to sleep day in and day out, so much that I believe I’m relentlessly enveloped by an aura of frustration, distraught, apprehension, confusion….
But then there’s reconciliation.
And I tell myself: It’s perfectly fine to be imperfect.
And there’s peace again.”
Kim, Age 19, Japan.
“My best fight has been with myself. In college, on a very fine and happy day, I was bullied on a class group chat for having big boobs. The exact words to my reply for something academical was “she has big boobs, not big brains”. And all the hahaha’s and lol’s and rofl’s followed. So many boys, I was so ashamed to even enter class that day and for so many days after that because I felt everybody was staring at my chest. I started using scarfs and sweatshirts even in the scorching heat to hide my “shame”. And the worst part was that this was meted out to me by a girl. It’s beyond belief how one single message like that could break my self confidence and my entire personality changed to a very meek and vulnerable person.
I started working and things started changing for me. I met a lot of different people and girls who’ve been through the same thing as me. I started drawing inspiration from them and gathering myself together. It’s been a long fight with myself to make my conscience completely understand that I did not create my body and I do not have control over my body parts and mostly, that if I did not accept my body and love it for what it is, who else will?
I worked a lot on that and my dressing habits changed a bit. I no longer wore loose clothes. I would give dares to myself to wear something I wouldn’t but loved only because of boobs. And like I said, I also met some incredible women who gave me unbelievable strength to be myself. So story cut short, I’m at a MUCH better place now and I don’t really care. It still stings me when I think of that day, that text and the many scars it left, but it has made me a stronger person today. Best fight ever.”
Anonymous, Age 25, India.
“ ‘Best’ fight as the biggest or most severe fight for me is the fight with the fact that we all are and always will be alone. No matter if we have a boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife, in certain moments in our life we feel the existentialist scare and realisation that no matter what happens, no matter what you do or anyone else does, we are inherently individuals who were born alone to this world and who die alone sooner or later. Alone we need to deal with our existence, with the world around us, with good and bad, with the meaning or lack of meaning of our life, with everything. Trying to put up with this is currently the most severe fight for me.”
Anonymous, Age 26, Czech Republic.
“My best fight is a tricky one…I have had more than my fair share through the years. I will tell you about my most recent one…which was with two people who wanted to be granted special privileges even though they had no legitimate or logical right to these. My husband and I responded to every nasty message we received, we stood our ground, and finally they went away….I can’t bear self-centred people.”
Anonymous, India.
“My best fight? That has to be without a doubt being noticed as a bigender lithromantic/asexual. A lot of people don’t seem to think it’s possible for someone to not be sexually attracted to someone. Well I could care less about sex or romantic love for that matter. Do I want to be alone forever? No. Am I alone? By most people’s standards yes, yes I am. However I’ve got friends that are like family and that’s all I need for the moment.”
Rairi Shidoni, Age 28, America.
“My best fight was a professional versus personal decision that I had to make. The saying goes that when it rains, it pours. After seven months without a job, I got two on the same day. While both jobs would be great professionally, one of them ensured that my personal life would not change, while the other would take me to a new city and new people. I reached the decision that job wise too, moving to the new city would be better as the company was more established and I said yes to the role. However, the next few days, I severely doubted my decision only because it was a big move on the personal front. I had taken decisions in the past to move to new cities on my own and here too the decision to move would have been easy had I not had the backup option of a job in my own city. I had to fight getting comfortable and actually take this plunge. It was very hard to do, but I needed to do it. In retrospect, had I got the jobs a week apart, and picked whichever came first, I would have never understood this side of me. I am glad it added to my experience.”
Anonymous, Age 29, India.
“My best fight is with TIME! I am fighting it daily …not allowing it to mentally or physically challenge me in any way! As I approach 60 I know there is not much time left in me to do all the things I want to do! My body is screeching for me to slow down and I know I can’t afford to do that! In my own way I do the right things to make sure I win the smallest battles to win the war! Healthy eating, proper exercise, letting go of things I can’t control are my everyday weapons! Hopefully I accept defeat gracefully knowing I have given it a good fight!”
Ragini Srinivasan, Age 58, America.
“Most think that the best of fights is bloody and filled with the victim’s cry,
marked by physical scars, slashes and blue-black eye,
the best of fights I’ve seen cannot be seen by you,
marked by depression, low self-esteem and lack of hope to name a few.
The best of fights I’ve fought is with myself,
surprisingly, the best of me won,
to reassure me that patience, determination and persistence are not just words,
but the only elements that pick you up when it really hurts.”
Maanasa G, Age 20, India.
“I think my best fight is one shared by many. The one against ourselves. The nagging voice in the back of our minds telling us that we are not good enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. When I was 19 years old I finally started to challenge that voice. Start to question it. Even test the waters and wrestle it. I found that the voice had a name, a diagnosis and that there were weapons you could use against it. The next couple of years were a blur of battles and sieges. Not all of these were won by me but it didn’t mean I had lost the war. Each time I got back up and was made stronger. Wiser. I started to tell people about this war and found out they were in it too. Now I wasn’t fighting on my own anymore. Day by day, week by week, month by month; my army grew and grew. The war still rages on but we will continue to fight it. Even in this time now of hate and uncertainty, if we fight back with love and friendship and kindness then we shall surely win.”
Nicole, Age 21, The United Kingdom.
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A huge thank you to our wonderful volunteers who took the time and efforts necessary to share their best war stories with us.
In today’s world, we see battles turning inward as wounds tear their entry holes into minds and psyches as opposed to flesh and limbs, but that makes them no less valid. It’s important to update our strategies, arming ourselves as we rise again and wrestle a personal significance out of the narrative within, hoping that next time even if it’s not easier, we are better prepared.
[*Disclaimer: All excerpts have been shared with the prior permission of their owners. The names of several contributors have been left anonymous on request.]