In Jia Tolentino’s essay “The I in the Internet” (published in her 2019 book “Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion”), she builds on Erving Goffman’s idea of performance in everyday life, which describes how we ‘play a part’ in our every day, either as conscious acts ‘on stage’ – for example while working – or on the ‘backstage’, place where you can relax, such as your home.
Tolentino brings this idea into our online, Internet-connected world, with the difference that online, there is no backstage; the audience never leaves. What’s more, the internet is structured in a way that encourages us to create roles and strengthen them, by constantly sharing our images and pictures.
Tolentino’s essay made me consider the idea of performing in my own life. While I would like to think that no, I do not ‘put on an act’ in my everyday life, I’m not sure if I believe that. After all, I’m naturally self-conscious, and it becomes more visible when I meet with people who are not my closest friends or family members: I wonder how my actions and words have an impact on the image they have of me, and try to consciously put forward an image I want them to have of me.
But while I am uncertain about how much my offline actions truly are performing, I have no questions when it comes to my online presence: it’s clear to me that I perform a part. And I’m certain everyone does it.
Don’t get me wrong: I try to be as honest as possible on the internet. I share bad experiences and my insecurities on Instagram and write honestly on comment sections of blogs and on Her Campus. Nevertheless, I do monitor myself. I don’t share everything. Sometimes I delete things I’ve shared if I start doubting they might portray an image of myself I don’t wish to strengthen. I consider long and carefully what kind of words I use in my writings, and of course, I only share photos where I think I look good.
This is natural and understandable. After all, we’ve all been warned of the permanence of our online selves: “once you put something on the Internet, it stays there forever”. Like everyone else, I do not wish that my future employer or a potential partner would see all the embarrassing things I’ve done throughout my life.
Having said that, I can’t help but wonder what does this non-stop performance and self-consciousness do to us? Do we start to be more conscious of our offline selves as well, monitoring our words and actions more carefully? I argue yes. The constant need to think about our image online is linked to the arguments of social media lowering our self-esteem and making us more prone to depression.
Furthermore, how much does it affect the way we live in general? Tolentino observes that the Internet is meant to encourage us to convey feelings to others rather than feel them. For example, when you see a beautiful sunset, what do you do? Do you enjoy seeing that natural phenomenon of beauty, or do you take a picture to be able to tell everyone else that you saw a beautiful sunset?
Do we choose to do something just because we know that when we share it, it’ll help us play the part? I’ve heard that people adopt less black cats because it’s harder to take cute photos of them. How much do we let our online characters dictate what we do offline?
I don’t think that the idea of performing, either online or offline, is inherently bad. Adopting a role can help to combat insecurity, when you decide to portray yourself more confident and stronger than you are, or dealing with annoying people, like many of us who have worked in customer service know.
But when the role starts playing you and when the online starts to control your life too much, to the point it gets hard to separate the two, there’s cause for concern.