There is a difference between loneliness and being alone. I’m sure we’ve all felt both, but you may not have consciously recognized the difference– and that difference truly does make all the difference.
Loneliness is isolation. It’s being alone when you don’t want to be. It’s distressing and all-encompassing, washing you in recognition of your singularity in the world– and not in a good way.
Being alone, however, isn’t inherently negative. Whereas loneliness is a feeling, being alone is the physical aspect; it’s corporeal. There are no emotions attached to it as it is– they all come from how you respond to the experience.
Learning and recognizing this difference is crucial, in my opinion.
For many people, college is the first time that they find themselves consistently alone: you are reaching a newfound independence, which naturally comes with rockin’ solo on occasion (maybe not as a conscious decision, but it happens candidly). Now, this starts as being alone, and yes, it could develop into loneliness, or you can take control of feeling content and confident in your aloneness.
I want to recognize the caveat that loneliness is real and often uncontrollable. I myself feel it on occasion, despite being immensely comfortable in my own presence. There are times when you may need more than your own presence– that’s a different situation than what I’m trying to work through here.
This development in being alone– from unease to peace– starts in your perspective, specifically in the times that you find yourself alone (rather than intentionally putting yourself so). Reframe the way you approach that one-on-one time with yourself. This isn’t about convincing yourself of something; really, it’s about recognizing something.
There is a power in being alone and being okay with it. You become reliable to yourself– your own priority. It may be cliché, but it’s true: at the end of the day, all you have is yourself; this is the longest, most important relationship you will ever have. However, most of us don’t treat it as such.
Feeling comfortable in your own companionship isn’t something that just happens one day. It’s the result of continuous effort, building up the muscle, which, yes, kinda sucks. Bu, I promise it’s worth it– and it only gets easier and more enjoyable.
As earnest as I am in encouraging the development of your relationship with yourself, I in no way feel qualified to tell you how to do so. Again, it’s cliché, but everyone is different, and this process will look different person to person. However, there are a few key words I’ll share that I’ve found to be grounding in finding joy in solitude.
Intentionality. Grace. Kindness. And Gentleness.
I want to tread lightly here, so I will leave it at that.