Friendship breakups can hit just as hard as romantic ones, but nobody really talks about them.
I’ve never once thought about rekindling things with an ex. But I have caught myself wondering about friendships that ended, thinking about texting them, or wondering if things could have turned out differently. In a lot of ways, those friendships have lingered in my mind far longer than any romantic relationship ever has.
So why does it hurt so much when a friendship ends?
Part of the reason is that we don’t really expect them to. Romantic relationships come with the understanding that they might end someday, but friendships are usually assumed to last indefinitely. When a friendship fades without a clear reason, it can leave you replaying conversations and wondering what went wrong.
People also don’t always know how to talk about friendship breakups. We all know better than to casually bring up someone’s ex in conversation, but an ex-friend? That line is much blurrier. A friend might say, “You’ll never guess who I ran into in the dining hall,” hoping for some dramatic effect, or they might tell a story involving that person without thinking about how it lands. Moments like that can be reminders that they used to be part of your everyday life, and now they aren’t.
On top of that, society doesn’t really give us space to grieve friendships the way it does romantic relationships. If you’re still thinking about a former friend, people might say you’re “beating a dead horse” or that you should just move on. Because of that, you’re often left trying to process those feelings on your own.
In a lot of ways, friendships are tied to our daily routines. They’re the people you eat with, study with, text throughout the day, or run into on campus. When that connection disappears, it can leave a gap that’s hard to explain to other people.
What’s helped me most is remembering that not every friend is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are exactly who you need during a certain chapter, even if they aren’t meant to stay for the whole story. You can still appreciate what the friendship was, acknowledge why it ended, and move forward at the same time. Some days that balance is easier than others, but eventually you find yourself somewhere in the middle.
Now that I’m a senior, I’ve realized that if someone doesn’t want to be in your life anymore, it doesn’t mean your life suddenly becomes smaller. The friendships you still have, the memories you’ve made, and the people who continue to show up for you still make it rich and meaningful.
Losing a friend is never easy, but it’s also a normal part of growing up and figuring out who you are and who belongs in the next chapter of your life.