Feeling behind in college? Well, what if you’re not?

Everyone subconsciously has a timeline for their life. Graduate by this age. Get a job by this age. Find your people. Fall in love. Be successful. 

Going into college, it is easy to feel like you’re behind, not just academically but in life as a whole. There is always someone who already knows exactly what they want to do when they graduate, who has an internship, is studying abroad, has a huge friend group, is in a serious relationship and just seems to have their whole life figured out.

And then there is you, just wondering, “Why aren’t I doing more? Why don’t I have more friends? How come I didn’t apply for internships? Am I doing enough? Why does it feel like everyone is so far ahead of where I am? Now let me ask, where did this imaginary timeline for life come from in the first place? 

Why do college students feel behind?

One of the strangest parts of being in college is the looming feeling of always being behind while simultaneously knowing that I’m only 18. 

Who decided that at 18 years old, you are supposed to know what you want to do with the rest of your life? Who decided you should have your closest friends already? Who said success has to look a certain way? It seems as if life is a checklist: if you’ve checked enough boxes by a certain age, you’re doing well, and if you haven’t then you’re behind. 

Why we Compare Ourselves to Other College Students

As humans, it’s natural for us to automatically compare ourselves to the person we see on the street who seems “to have it all figured out”. But what we don’t realize is that we are comparing our personal moments, our “behind-the-scenes,” the meltdowns, and anxieties that go through our heads, to their outside persona, their “highlight reel”, what they choose to share with the outside world. It is unfair to compare our entire reality to someone’s carefully picked moments. You don’t see someone else’s insecurities, uncertainty, failed applications, family issues, or things they are just trying to figure out. You just see the job announcement or the social media post where they are “living their best life.”

Social Comparison in college

In psychology, they call this social comparison; by definition, it is the tendency to evaluate ourselves by measuring our lives against other people’s. While comparison is a natural human experience, social media gives us endless access to people to compare ourselves to, especially in a college atmosphere where we are surrounded by tons of people our age. 

why your accomplishments never feel like enough

We don’t just overestimate others’ success, we undermine our own. You get an internship but automatically think about the person who got a better one. You make a new friend but only focus on the large group sitting at the other end of the dining hall. You do well on a difficult exam but immediately wonder how someone else got a higher score. Somehow, our accomplishments seem so minuscule because in the end, the moment we compare our accomplishments to someone else’s, they become “not enough.”

Everyone has a Different college timeline

Perhaps feeling behind isn’t evidence that we are actually behind. Maybe it’s evidence that we have internalized someone else’s or society’s definition of what our lives ‘should’ look like. College, for most, is the first time we are surrounded by thousands of people all the exact same age as we are. And somehow everyone is going down a different path in life; it feels awkward and uncomfortable to figure out where you fall. College can also bring a lot of stress, especially when your adjusting to a new environment. Some people are graduating early, changing majors, taking gap years, getting married, are single, struggling, are thriving, know exactly what they want to do, and some have absolutely no idea. 

None of these things automatically mean that someone is ahead or behind. 

So next time you catch yourself comparing your life, struggles, anxieties, and accomplishments against someone else’s. Remember the only person’s full story you know is your own. Uncertainty does not equal failure. 

Maybe you’re not behind. Maybe you have just been measuring yourself by a timeline that was never yours to begin with. 

• mental health