“Have some confidence!” Maybe the most overused and unhelpful statement used to try to empower young people all over the world. How does one just “be confident”? Maybe it really comes naturally to some people, but from what I know, it’s a lot more difficult than people care to admit out loud.Â
A common misconception about confidence and feeling empowered is that you have to start by faking it. Not true. There are actual ways to build yourself up and gain that confidence people want you to fake. The first thing to do is realize that confidence isn’t an individual task. When you are at your best, you should have a group of people behind you reminding you of all the reasons you’re cut out for it. Whether that be an executive board, a friend group, a colleague, or a teacher, it doesn’t matter. Surround yourself with people who make you feel confident in who you are and your abilities. The best thing you can be is your authentic self, no matter how scary that may be.Â
Another thing is you have to know when to build up that confidence. When you’re feeling down, let the people around you lift you. There is a difference between surrounding yourself with sunshine and letting yourself feel that sunshine. A good support system is the way to start, but letting yourself rely on them is the next step. I know this isn’t the easiest task in the world, and a lot easier said than done. However, you are the owner of your actions; don’t let societal expectations and unfair standards let you think you aren’t in control.Â
One of the most influential speakers I had to date talked about how confidence alone creates insecurity. Not because we intentionally sit to judge, but the standards taught around confidence. You can’t be overconfident, or you’ll appear cocky. You can’t be too loud or you’re deemed aggressive. You can’t be overly polite, or you’re too timid. There are too many societal expectations around how to appear confident. It makes it nearly impossible to come up with confidence alone.Â
Confidence is a spectrum. The key to it is being able to increase it when needed. There is a level to feeling empowered that needs to come from a place of knowing you deserve it. Everyone, yes, everyone, deserves to feel good about the things they accomplish. It doesn’t need to be the largest or most impressive thing; it just needs to be something you accomplished.Â
At the end of her talk, she closed with a quote from one of my favorite movies, Pretty Woman. “The bad stuff is easier to believe”. Every single person is not only capable of confidence, but deserving of it. Take the time to surround yourself with people who remind you of the things you’re proud of. Let yourself fall back on those safe people, let them build you up when you can’t do it yourself. Most importantly, find the things that you feel confident about yourself. Do not let the standards set determine how you hold yourself. So, don’t “have some confidence”, but find your confidence.Â