If you are a college student, you know just how draining looking for an internship can be. For the past year, I’ve been scrambling to apply to dozens of different positions, some I’m not even qualified for, because frankly, I think it is about time I hang up the lifeguard whistle and go get a “big-girl” job. I just switched my major this past semester after taking two semesters to fill out required prerequisites. Now, I finally have guidance and it seems like a lot of companies see how hard I’ve worked and are reciprocating my interest.
You probably think I feel good about this, which I do, but at the same time, I absolutely do not at all. I’m so grateful to be in a position to have these opportunities available, and I feel so proud because I was able to work hard enough to get myself in this spot. But I can’t help thinking, why me? This has got to be some sort of fluke. Even the other day, when I was talking to my mom about school and the networking I’ve been up to lately, she told me she was proud of me, and my immediate response was, why?
After speaking with my therapist about these feelings, I learned that there is one simple answer to my issues. I am suffering from imposter syndrome, a psychological phenomenon where people doubt their accomplishments and abilities, despite evidence to the contrary. It’s honestly a pretty common experience and chances are, if you are anything like me, you know exactly how I’m feeling.
I think being humble is very important. I’ve always been raised to not brag about my accomplishments. Honestly, it is one of my biggest pet peeves when people constantly brag and I’ve felt this way since I was a little kid. However, now that I’ve grown a bit older, I’ve realized that it annoyed me to the point where I can’t even brag to myself.
While I’m not a mental health professional and I am still dealing with this imposter syndrome, I can tell you one thing: there is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself for succeeding. Even if success seems to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, hard work always pays off and the people around you see that. Just remember, if you didn’t deserve it, you wouldn’t have it.