As a self-proclaimed “social butterfly,” I crave interactions with friends, family, and others. I thrive in group settings where I get to learn new perspectives from new people. So, it is interesting to think that living through each day, I often do not have opportunities to connect with just myself. In my daily life, it is difficult to find a moment alone due to shared apartment space, ongoing social obligations, club meetings, and group projects. Despite my extroversion, I recognize the importance of cultivating a relationship with myself. While conversing with my roommates, I realized that this experience is shared among many college students. Over the last several months, I challenged myself to better the relationship between me, myself, and I. By sharing my experience of self-focused activities, I hope to inspire others to look inward and learn the benefits of spending quality time alone.
After reflecting on my experience, I compiled a list of self-focused activities to get to know myself better and feel comfortable with who I am as a woman. I encourage you to take these ideas and make them your own, as every person’s journey to self-acceptance and self-love looks different.
| Self-Focused Activity | What I Learned |
| Set a 10 pm bedtime | You don’t miss anything major. If people want to hang out with me during my waking hours, they will make the effort. |
| Instead of listening to music in the car, talk to yourself | While it may seem silly, talking to yourself like you would a friend allows you to give yourself more grace in times you tend to beat yourself up. |
| Go on solo runs/walks in your favorite neighborhood or part of campus | Physical activity makes me feel healthy and gives me the opportunity to clear my head. |
| Revisit old hobbies and interests. | I recently revisited my love for homemade smoothies and found that they are a delicious way to get nutrients and a fun way to experiment with flavors. |
| Create playlists for YOU | I have a wide variety of music tastes and I love coming up with creative names for different vibes of music! |
| Cook your favorite comfort meals! | Even though I may not be the best chef in the world, it makes me smile when I cook a nostalgic dish from my childhood. |
| Reach out to a (new) therapist | Advocating for yourself is critical because, at the end of the day, you have autonomy over your life. |
| Watch your favorite show | It’s okay to say no to social obligations and eat snacks in your room watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. |
| When technology feels like its too much, pick up a book | Fueling my brain with words is much more thought-provoking than fueling it with screens. |
| Go look at the stars! | Nature is beautiful and truly brings a smile to my face. |
Notice how most of these ideas are relatively simple. It does not take much to set aside an hour each day to step back and cater to your personal needs. Honestly, some days are better than others. I don’t want to sugarcoat this self-journey. Sometimes, it is extremely difficult to make the first step in cultivating a relationship with yourself. It can be scary to go to a coffee shop alone or stick to an early bedtime for fear of judgment or missing out. In these moments, I center myself back to the following mantra–I am not afraid to be seen trying. Yes, there is some fear associated with being alone. However, one of the most important relationships in this world is the relationship you share with yourself. Releasing the fear and anxiety of outside opinions will only lead to a more fulfilling experience. Just like any other friendship, familial bond, or romantic relationship, the relationship with yourself only gets better with quality time, communication, and understanding. I have now gotten to a point in my self-relationship where my inner dialogue is enriched with encouragement, curiosity, and confidence. In bettering this relationship with myself, I have also noticed a better approach to relationships outside of myself. I can more clearly express boundaries now that I know where my limits actually lie.
Overall, I am proud of the progress I have made with my relationship with myself. The journey is constant, but I look forward to seeing how it evolves as I flow through different chapters of life. I encourage anyone who doesn’t know where to begin with this journey to start small. The great thing about the journey with yourself is that you can tailor it however you want. What works for me may not necessarily work for you. That’s okay. All that matters, in the end, is that you try.