My SO and I have been together, on-and-off, for what will be five years in January (just typing that makes me feel old). We did a long-distance relationship for my first two years of college, and his second and third year of community college (he is one year older than me). Though we were only about an hour from each other, we still missed each other when we were apart and saw each other two to three times a week, including weekends. This was a lot of back and forth driving, late night drives and overall unhappiness from not being together — for a while we wanted to be together all the time (shoutout to the honeymoon phase still going strong), but we weren’t ready to go all-in and move in together. That is, until the friend I had planned to live with for the 2017-18 school year backed out, and I was left scrambling for a roommate and place to live. One night, while we were lying in bed watching “Rick & Morty”, while I complained about being stressed about not having a roommate, he turned to me and said “why don’t we move in together?”
I can’t lie and say I hadn’t thought about moving in with him — we were together so much that my roommates were pretty sure he already lived there. It did seem like the natural next step in our relationship, but I still had some hesitations about cohabitation with him (and I recommend that EVERYONE looking into moving in with their SO have the same hesitations).
For one, I had heard one too many horror stories about cohabitation going horribly wrong — for not only is he my boyfriend, but he is my best friend. I was concerned that if we shared a small space together, we wouldn’t be able to have our own space and would constantly be together. Not that I don’t love spending all my time with him, but I’m still the kind of person who needs “me” time, which could lead to more arguments. I was worried about hating him as a roommate, as I had already lost a few friendships because of close quartering and because our living behaviors just didn’t match up. I carefully considered all of my hesitations, and decided to take the plunge and look for a place together. Initially, we considered getting a two-bedroom so that we could have our own space, but opted for a one-bedroom for cost reasons.
It has been two months since we got our keys and moved in and so far, things are going great. If you’re thinking about moving in with your significant other and are curious about what it’s like, or are just plain old curious, here are five things I’ve learned since moving in with my boyfriend.
1. You have to get comfortable with each other — fast.
Gone are the days of slipping away to “powder your nose” when you need to take a number 2 in the bathroom, or pretending like your SO just doesn’t have a butthole. Living together means that not only do you have to become comfortable with each other’s bodily functions, but oftentimes you have a front-row seat to what they look, sound and smell like. While this does give you a closer and more intense form of intimacy than you had had previously, it still means you have little to no privacy. That is until they leave for work or class, and you get a few hours to do what you please in the bathroom without having an audience.
2. “Alone” time still exists…sort of.
Unless you two opted for a studio (in which case, godspeed), there are still two separate rooms for you two to retreat to if you need space from each other, have friends over or just want to watch some Netflix alone. However, half the beauty of living with your significant other is that you two can have “alone” time together, that is, watching your different shows in the same room, not speaking, but still being together.
3. You gotta keep the romance ALIVE.
I’m not going to lie, the romance/flame/spark/what have you sort of dwindles after you move in together. Not that it completely dies, but once you’ve seen them not shower for three days and they’ve held your hair back while you vomit, the spark sort of fades. Another thing is that there’s no mystery anymore, if you decide to go on a date, they don’t pick you up at six and are blown away by your beauty. Unless you blindfold them or they leave for a few hours, they see you get ready and know what you’re going to look like. One way to combat this is to set aside one day, afternoon or evening for just you two. You could have a move night in, a dinner date out or simply go grocery shopping. The beauty of living together is finding intimacy in the small things, like when they go on grocery run for you because you’re swamped with homework or you make them a special meal after a hard day. It’s about the little moments, not the huge gestures.
4. You’re together all. the. time.
Not that this is a bad thing! As previously mentioned, it is entirely possible to get alone time while living with someone. But you also need to get used to the fact that, unless you have completely opposite schedules, you will be together a lot. If you love each other (as you should before moving in together), then this won’t be an issue. You get to do things you normally do alone, but with somebody you love and care about! Whether this is grocery shopping, watching a movie, eating dinner or sleeping, you get to do it with someone and they (should) make it twice the fun.
5. You need to learn to live with their living habits, and when (not) to pick a fight.
People have different living habits than you. If you’re living with your significant other, this means that you need to learn to live with habits that you didn’t know about previously (since moving together reveals how people truly behave, this is both a good and a bad thing). Sometimes, their inclination is to make themselves lunch and clean up three hours later, while yours is to clean up right away. This is when you need to learn what is and what isn’t worth picking a fight over. Is their leaving makeup all over the bathroom sink worth a fight? Probably not. Is consistently forgetting to take the trash out worth a fight? Maybe so. It’s all about knowing what to stand up for, what to learn to live with and let go.
If you and your SO truly love each other and talk about things for a bit beforehand, then go for it! Hopefully moving in together will make you guys closer and make your relationship even stronger.