The fastest way to free yourself from stress? Stop trying to control people. Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory has taken social media by storm, thanks to the release of her new book. While the podcast was aired back in 2023, social media has rediscovered it recently with the release of her book. Gen Z is all about self-help books but this one captures the current zeitgeist because it encourages you to let go of other people’s actions and simply let them behave the way they want to without taking anything personally. Robins is an author, Ted Talk speaker, and former lawyer who debuted her podcast in 2022, which is now ranked globally. Her philosophy is gaining traction because the advice is simple. The “Let Them” mindset shift is something that can improve the way you navigate friendships, relationships and even career opportunities.
1. Friendships: Letting Go of People Who Don’t Reciprocate
We’ve all had toxic friendships that have been absolutely draining. These friends are self-centered in their own problems and project their insecurities onto you. We often forgive and forget—until we’ve had enough. Trying too hard to salvage friendships is flat-out disrespectful to yourself! Don’t kill yourself trying to save someone else, it never works. Once you’ve unlocked the power of letting go of their issues you release their control over you. Allow genuine connections to form naturally and you’ll find the right group of friends for you: “When you say Let Them, you release the need to cling to friendships that no longer serve you, making space for connections that truly matter” (The Let Them Theory).
2. Dating & Relationships: Stop Chasing, Start Attracting
Dating is much like friendship—it thrives on genuine connections, not forced affection. No matter how much effort you put in, you can’t make someone like or prioritize you. If your partner doesn’t make plans, let them. If they fail to support you emotionally, let them. Over time, their actions will reveal their true character. The sooner you recognize unhealthy patterns, the easier it becomes to let people drift away before they cause harm. Embrace the mindset of radical acceptance and focus on self-care- that’s the best revenge anyway.
3. Career & Networking: Not Every Opportunity is Meant for You
Career and networking are extremely relevant topics in my life right now. As I prepare for graduation I have to remind myself that rejection is something that I have to get used to. As cliche as that sounds, rejection is just redirection, it’s true. I recently got denied what I thought was my dream job and it absolutely crushed me at first, until I realized that my only reaction should be acceptance. I had to let the company reject me to understand that this was not the right employer for me. If a company does not acknowledge my worth and is unethical, I have to simply let them and embrace the redirection. The “Let Them” theory has allowed me to open myself up to new career opportunities and to seek out a new network.
4. Mental Health & Confidence: Freeing Yourself from Overthinking
My personality growing up was reserved but desperately sought out control. Even in my early adult life, I struggle with failed friendships, relationships and career opportunities. Reading about this theory that encourages me to let go of control and focus on how I can grip the steering wheel of my life has shifted my outlook. Letting go of trying to control others’ actions has reduced my stress and made me become more grateful for the rejections I’ve received. It’s also about letting go of my ego and increasing my self-worth through gratitude and acceptance.
Especially as women, we often inherit so much pressure to be the perfect daughters, mothers, friends, and wives all while having a career and looking fabulous. Sometimes it’s hard for us to take criticism and we take rejection too personally. Embracing the fact that we can’t control everything we desire and accepting people’s judgments is a freedom we all deserve. One of my favorite quotes from the book proclaims: “When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behaviors, opinions or mood” (The Let Them Theory).