I’m 21 years old, and I feel like I’ve been going to school every week, for hours out of the day, for 17 years. Oh wait, that’s because I have been. Because of the consistency of school and the negative impacts it has had on my life, I now have my fair share of resentment towards school. I’m going into the first month of my senior year, and I still don’t feel like I’m completely into the swing of things and I am already getting the urge to procrastinate. I think it is because I am completely and utterly tired of the college grind. By the time I go to school and work and then proceed to do schoolwork outside of class, it feels like I have no time for myself and the activities that I do for just my sheer pleasure.
It doesn’t help that throughout my experience with school, I have felt inadequate at times. These feelings started in elementary school when I wasn’t accepted into GATE, my school’s Gifted and Talented Education program. This was the first moment I questioned whether I was gifted and talented compared to my peers. The curse of comparison got me down and followed me through middle and high school, where I compared my grades to others and was my own biggest critic.
While the intensity of the feelings I had have decreased, college can still bring up those same feelings of inadequacy that I had previously struggled with. Now as a senior, I hear about the internships people around me have and about the exciting things they are able to be a part of and want to be a part of. I listen to classmates list their plans and it seems like they have it all together. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am doing enough or if I am aligned with my passions enough to start paving out a career path.
Even with the negative self-image my brain makes from school, and how much college education has sucked from me, I am very grateful for my education. If you resonate with any of what school has been like for me, maybe gratitude can be a helpful tool for you as well. At the end of the day, even if college is a pain, it will pay off. I need to remind myself of that when I’m feeling entirely over school.
I am also in the process of being grateful for myself. I am finding self-love and confidence. When I realize my full potential and strengths, I won’t have to compare my accomplishments with my peers. When I realize my full potential, it will lead me to a career path that resonates with me and I feel I belong in. I must remind myself that I am capable and that I’m trying my best!
The senioritis bug is real, but it doesn’t have to ruin my or your senior year! By being grateful for our circumstances and finding self-love and maintaining it, we can get through school even when it seems impossible. No path is linear, we all are special, needed and loved. The negative feelings we have are temporary!
We got this.