Dear Anxiety,
Who do you think you are? You are constantly trying to bring me down and make me worry about every little thing. You even make me worry about things that I know I should not be anxious about.
I’m not saying I have overcome you by all means, because that’s impossible. I deal with you every day and I know you will never completely fade away. But I did become a stronger and better person because of you.
Back in my freshman year of high school, you almost got me. I missed the last two months of the school year and almost failed the ninth grade because of you.
The first time you noticeably struck me was on top of the Empire State Building in New York City while I was on spring break with my family. Up on the top floor view deck, it was overcrowded and I couldn’t even see off the edge to see the view. That’s when I had my first known panic attack. I had always been an anxious child and most likely had had panic attacks before, but I wasn’t aware of that.
I tried going back to school after spring break, but for some reason I kept leaving and feeling sick. I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t smiling or eating normally or hanging out with my friends, all I wanted to do was stay home.
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder, and with that came a bit of depression. I started seeing a therapist and my psychiatrist started prescribing me medicine for my anxiety until we found the one that worked best for me.
After a while, I found the medicine that helped and started feeling better. None of my friends understood what was wrong with me, I kept lying to them because I was embarrassed. I also lost friends because we didn’t hang out when I was struggling.
Back then, I didn’t know who I was. I lost a ton of weight and I had no motivation to do anything social. But with the help of my family and doctors, I got back to myself.
Thanks to you I have become a better person. I stopped lying to myself and to others and I am less judgmental. I have also become a more secure person; I know now that I can overcome anything that comes my way in life. I used to be ashamed to admit that I have clinical anxiety, but now I embrace it and share my story with others. If you struggle with anxiety and it is controlling your life, do not hesitate to talk to your loved ones about it and seek help.
Tons of people struggle with anxiety every day, more people than you think. You are not alone, I promise.
Love,
Ashley