Things don’t always turn out the way I plan them, but I never expected my life would take such a dramatic turn. The summer before I was about to begin my senior year of college, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. It was July 15, 2017, a couple of weeks before my twenty-first birthday. Prior to the day I found out I was pregnant, I was living the dream. I was taking classes, but enjoying my summer break before the fall came. I was also preparing myself for an event filled twenty-first birthday, where I’d finally be able to get rid of my fake I.D. and use my own.
I was excited to continue my college life. I even signed a lease at a new place with my roommate. I was excited to finally live in a renovated home super close to campus and begin an awesome finish to my college career. I was looking forward to not only my birthday, but welcome week, Halloween and homecoming. Everything began to change and make sense after I realized it had been awhile since I had gotten my period. I began experiencing awful cramps, worse than I’ve ever felt before. During a family vacation I even experienced a bit of nausea after riding roller coasters at SeaWorld. I knew something was wrong because I love roller coasters and never get nauseous after riding them.
As soon as I got back home from Florida, I took a pregnancy test. I called my fiancé on FaceTime, and we both anxiously waited to see what the test said. A couple seconds after I took the test, two thick and bright purple lines appeared on it. We were shocked! We honestly were so happy, because we both always knew that we wanted to have a child together some day. But, we also knew that this wasn’t the right time. We hadn’t even graduated college yet.
My fiancé already knew that he wanted me to keep the baby. I, on the other hand, felt a little uneasy about it because I had so much going for me. I also hadn’t accomplished anything that I’d wanted to yet. It was honestly hard for me to even believe that this was happening to me. After all, this Halloweekend was supposed to be my best one yet, my senior year! I quickly realized that my thoughts were pretty selfish, but they were also normal. All of my life, I’d always said that if I ever got pregnant, I would keep the baby no matter what. Now that it was actually happening to me, though, I was having second thoughts. I finally understood how important women having a choice was.
I couldn’t go through with an abortion though. I couldn’t even imagine myself having one, but I also couldn’t imagine myself having a baby soon. Just the thought of wondering what my baby could look like and what he or she could become was all I could think about. I already started feeling an odd type of lovey-dovey feeling that made me more attached to the idea of having my own child. I’ve never been one to be emotional, but this was different than anything I’ve felt before. How could I say no to something that was basically a mini-me?
After talking about it together, my fiancé and I decided it was best for us to keep the baby. We both love each other and know that no matter what, we will always love our baby. We’ve always been best friends, so seeing a mini-version mixture of the both of us was the cutest idea.
Deciding to keep my baby definitely meant having to make some tough decisions about school and my campus life. That lease I had for my new place? I had to cancel it and let the house go back on the market. I decided it was better that I went back home to my parents’ to save that extra $700 a month I would’ve had to spend. So much for my short walk to class!
I was suddenly faced with the decision of whether I should even go back to school that semester. I was going to be full-blown pregnant, would I really be able to give class my all? I ended up deciding to take a couple of classes to get them over with. That’s what I’m currently dealing with right now. I’m six months pregnant, and I commute to campus now. At the beginning of the semester it was easy to hide my growing belly, but now I can’t even hide it anymore. I was so worried about being “that pregnant girl on campus,” but now I honestly don’t even care.
I’m getting my work done, and I’m only getting closer to my degree. Being pregnant this semester hasn’t been easy though. It’s been tough being a student journalist, so I’ve definitely been struggling. It’s not the same as it was when I wasn’t pregnant and had full stamina for endless all-nighters. I get disappointed in myself often, but then I realize that as long as I’m giving everything my best shot, it’ll all work out in the end. It is weird seeing everyone else graduate on time and I often feel like a failure. At the end of the day, I know I’ll get there soon enough even if my graduation date is delayed a year. I’ve had classes with 30 to 50-year-olds, so I know I’ll be just fine when I graduate!
I’m definitely missing out on things I was looking forward to my senior year, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Before I got pregnant, I was going out almost every weekend and doing whatever I wanted. Often times, I would be at the club staring around the room wondering why I wasn’t in my pajamas and in bed. I would often think “why am I here?” Parties and clubbing was fun, but it never truly fulfilled me in any way.
That’s why I knew that this was probably a sign from God, maybe he was just letting me know that there’s more to life than just living. Maybe that’s what I’ll learn once I have my baby. I did have a couple of friends who suggested I should get rid of the baby, but I’m so glad that I didn’t. I found out that I’m having a baby boy and now I can’t wait to meet him. I love being able to feel and watch him kick my tummy. I also get so excited when I hear his heartbeat. From now on, every thing I do will have a bigger purpose in life. It will all be for him. I can’t wait for the day that I graduate and get to hold him right by my side.