For most of 2018, I committed myself to bullet journal. In case you don’t know, bullet journaling is where you basically build and customize your own planner and any lifestyle habits that you want to track. And to be honest, bullet journaling completely changed my life, as cheesy and cliche as it sounds. The reason why my time management skills and organization skills have completely improved in the past year is solely because I dedicated my time to bullet journaling.
For 2019, as I starting bullet journaling, I felt like something was missing. My life was put together but I still felt like my brain was all over the place. I was so concentrated on having a strict schedule, like working out or drinking eight cups of water. I fell into a robotic type of schedule and I slowly did not start liking it.
So within my bullet journal, I decided to add small entries about my thoughts and feelings for each day. I made sure right before going to bed, I spent 15 minutes thinking and reflecting about my day. I did this for about a week and here’s how I felt.
The first two days, it was difficult to spend 15 minutes. I even put on a timer on because I was desperate for these 15 minutes to pass. I kept checking the time every two seconds thinking time was up. It was honestly a struggle (worse than studying for a microbiology exam). So in the end, my first two days of journaling were really vague and completely unenthusiastic.
The third day, I got out my journal, put the timer on and in an instant, words just came to me. I started writing my thoughts, feelings, emotions and basically everything. It felt like as if the words were just pouring from my brain to the nib of my pen. Those were probably the fastest 15 minutes of my life. After my time was up, I started to reflect; how did my words flow out so easily when I was struggling yesterday? What was different this time?
I realized that the reason why I was having a hard time putting things down on paper was that I honestly cut myself off of all emotions. I kept pushing them back, whether I was happy, upset or angry and never took the time to actually sit down and let myself feel what I’m feeling, at the moment. I used to be that type of person where I would really take the time to understand my own feelings, but throughout the last couple of months, I lost myself.
The rest of the week definitely wasn’t as hard as the first two days of journaling. I was able to really take time and get in touch with my emotions and work on them. I learned more about myself, like how I deal with issues I’m angry or upset about. Instead of hiding them away, I found ways to cope with them.
I don’t feel like I’m in a robotic schedule anymore. I genuinely feel happier, knowing that there is a safe space where I can let out my feelings. I can confide my emotions with simply a pen and piece of paper.