Faith, Trust, Pixie Dust and Growing Up

Peter Pan was my absolute favorite-est movie growing up. I didn't like princesses, I liked Tinkerbell. I wasn't a mainstream kid, I guess that foreshadowed me not being a mainstream adult. Peter Pan heeds Wendy against growing up, he warns her that it's suffocating and dreary. I was going to be Tinkerbell, I never needed to worry about Wendy's pressures of growing up. Then, my freshmen year, I played Wendy in Peter Pan, the musical. That's when I realized I had been grown up all along. 

I don't wanna grow up.

I came out of the womb an adult. Don't get me wrong, I was quixotic and naïve, but the adult component was still there: putting others before myself, thinking about the future and giving too much love. Once I realized this, I accepted it, claimed my title as the mature, wise friend that parents trusted their kids with on a Friday night.

Oh, Caroline will be there, you can go.

However, I didn't realize I had growing in other areas to do. Sure, I was socially adept, I had my schedule together, I waited for my friends to retire in through their garage doors before driving off; although I didn't know what I wanted with my life, I didn't know all the twists and turns of the maze of my personality or how to let go of things. 

Only know you love her if you let her go.

Becoming stagnant is my biggest fear. By accepting myself as the mature one, I was allowing myself to settle and get comfortable, I was mapping out my own journey down a road of a personal plateau. Now, this brought me to a quite a slimy pickle, I could not merely revoke my title as the mom friend nor could I say I had light years to go before being accepted. This, I believe is the myocardium of the dilemma of growing up: deciding whether to settle as yourself or to continue to improve. 

Choose quick, do it quick!

However, this shouldn't be the conflict. Being 'grown up' doesn't mean you are done, however my little sparkle-tutu-ed, cherry-lip-glossed self couldn't wrap her mind around that. How could grown-ups not be perfect? How could adults not have it together, don't they run the world? The conflict isn't deciding when to declare the masterpiece of yourself done, because an individual is never done changing and adapting. I believe the issue is finding the confidence in oneself to accept that change and be up for the challenge. 

3.2.1. Go.

Peter Pan was my absolute favorite-est movie growing up. I admired the faith and the pixie dust, but mostly the trust. I need to learn to trust again, to trust myself. I think that's what growing up is. 

You can fly. 


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