I’m beginning to daydream about my mom’s homemade cranberry pie as Thanksgiving approaches faster than those end-of-semester deadlines. Cake versus pie isn’t a new debate, and you may be rolling your eyes that I’m reopening this argument. However, isn’t it refreshing to consider a controversy in which we can “agree to disagree?” Unlike other recent debates, no one’s rights or livelihood is at stake when it comes to this conversation.
I won’t beat around the bush when it comes to my opinion. Pie is the dessert of those with life experience. We’ve been around the block a few times and can point out a high-quality dessert when we see one. While enjoying pie isn’t exactly an acquired taste (like kimchi or fancy cheese), truly appreciating a pie requires a refined palate.
According to the American Pie Council, the first pie recipe was published by the ancient Romans for a “rye-crusted goat cheese and honey pie.” Doesn’t that sound like something you’d find at an artisanal bakery for $8 a slice? Pie is fancy!
Cake is the dessert that you find at your 6-year-old friend’s birthday party. You’ve spent an hour playing “Musical Chairs” and “Minute to Win It” games with kids you barely know. Your friend unwraps a mountain of gifts— it takes forever, and you’re jealous of the cute American Girl outfit she received. You finish off the event with a store-bought sheet cake that the birthday girl spit all over when she blew out the candles. The inch of pink icing on top leaves you with a stomach ache and a sugar high.
Pie isn’t a mouth-numbing, offensively sweet experience that dyes your tongue an unnatural color. The depth of flavor is unmatched—your taste buds can experience spice, tartness and sweetness all wrapped up in a crispy, flaky blanket of goodness. If your cake is crispy or flaky, I would bet that something has gone very wrong.
Everyone “likes” cake, which means that an inoffensive, widely-accepted flavor is usually chosen for celebrations. This compromise cake is a letdown. The vanilla or yellow cake will disappoint the chocolate lovers, and it goes the other way for a chocolate cake.
Of course, not every cake comes in a plastic box from the grocery store bakery. Even so, homemade cakes are still not that exciting. The monolithic consistency makes every bite a mundane experience, boring you as you take each bite. Any “adult” flavor is typically avoided for gatherings besides your mom’s pretentious book club. Carrot and pineapple upside-down cake are two of the only cakes that would bring an intriguing textural element.
There will be three pies presented in their full glory at my Thanksgiving get-together. The pear-ginger will bring the spice. The pumpkin will bring tradition. The cranberry will be the star of the show with its sweet and tart interior, covered in a layer of crispy crumb topping. This marvelous trifecta brings options that will please everyone. I’m a mature adult who can make my own dessert decisions, which might just mean a tiny slice of each.
I hope that your quarantine bubble enjoys at least one variety of the superior adult dessert this Thanksgiving. If you need to redirect the dinner conversation away from politics, ask, “cake or pie?”
