When a new year approaches, many scramble to create resolutions in the hope of having a better year than the last. Oftentimes, these resolutions focus on some aspect of the self: workout more, procrastinate less, etc. When resolutions focus on ourselves, either our body, habits, or mindset, they impact the relationship we have with ourselves. It’s important, then, to think critically about why we make them and what our resolutions say about us. When we make resolutions, what do we truly want? What do these desires say about our values? What do they say about how we approach personal growth?
I want to challenge the norm of New Year’s resolutions. For many, a new year implies that we must change in some way; we must somehow better ourselves this year. While I think viewing the new year as a chance to grow is a great sentiment, it’s necessary to point out that change does not equal growth. If my resolution for the year is to lose fifty pounds, and by the end of the year I am fifty pounds lighter, I can say I have changed. But have I grown? It depends. Did I lose fifty pounds by starving myself, or did I strike a healthy balance between diet and exercise and lose fifty pounds as a result? Even then, I would argue that losing weight for the sake of itself is not growth. How I grow is through changing my relationship with my body and improving my eating and exercise habits.
Growth depends on what our goals are and how we achieve them. When we decide what our resolutions are, we should not rely on some arbitrary standard; our resolutions should reflect what we truly value. Our values are often better reflected in the process of achieving a goal rather than the goal itself. Do I truly value weight loss? Sure, I may want to lose weight—but that’s mostly because of the external pressure of a strict (and skinny) beauty standard. Do I value beauty standards? Ideally, no. If instead I focus on the method of weight loss—the healthier relationship with food and exercise—I show that I value my physical and mental health. Creating a healthy relationship with food and a regular exercise routine will improve both my physical and mental health, so these goals clearly align with my values. Taking the time to sit down with your resolutions and decide what is truly important to you throughout the process of accomplishing your goals is necessary to ensure that you create resolutions that reflect your values.
Moreover, doing this will give you a better chance at succeeding at your resolutions. Resolutions often fail because they are made for the wrong reasons. When our goals are ingenuine or extrinsic, we do not have the intrinsic motivation to go after them. Instead, they are more subject to our moods and attitudes, which can vary wildly over the course of a year. Since the innate interest in that goal is lacking, we may lose sight of, forget about, or disregard the goal. Additionally, if our goals are extrinsic, then they may not reflect our true values, so we will not have the intrinsic motivation necessary to complete them.
While New Year’s is a great time to set goals for personal growth, I think it is important to recognize that resolutions are not necessary. In fact, they could feed into an endless cycle of perfectibility. When you create resolutions, ask yourself this: is your goal to be better or to be perfect? Becoming a better person is growth. Growth comes from change with intent, so our intentions matter. If our intentions are to better our relationship with our bodies, and that includes exercising regularly and eating a balanced diet, then those are good goals to set. But if our intention is to get a “perfect” body or a dream body—which our conception of is influenced heavily by the beauty standards already in place, whether we recognize it or not—then we are setting an unachievable goal of perfection. Beauty standards are constantly evolving—what constitutes perfection or the “dream” body will always change. You could never be perfect even if you tried. Besides, if you got your dream body, would you really believe it was perfect? You’d have no complaints at all? No, you wouldn’t. Companies and society will continue to convince you that you need something else—a new goal to set for the new year. For that reason, I encourage you not to set a New Year’s resolution just because you think you should have one. Instead, if you want to set goals for the year, truly reflect on what matters to you and what changes in your life you would actually value. You shouldn’t need the influence of anyone else; if the resolution is worthwhile, it will come to you naturally. You know yourself best; you can best recognize areas of your life that you feel could be improved and can provide the best solutions—ones that you value and feel confident enough to actually do.
By accepting your imperfections, it may also help you to remember that progress is not linear. You may fail at your resolutions at first, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress toward them. Just setting a goal and making a plan to achieve it is progress. If you fail, try again. You can still accomplish your resolutions—especially if you actually plan to achieve them over the course of a whole year. Try not to let a literal date affect how you think about your progress. Work toward your goals, but don’t hold yourself to an arbitrary date or time that they need to be completed by. Goals like improving your mental health or exercising more will benefit you whenever you complete them. Keeping in mind that progress is not linear, it may be easier to accept your failures, learn from them, and move forward. These are all part of the progression and are necessary for growth.
So, how do you set good, meaningful goals for the New Year? First of all: you don’t have to. Life is not only about achievement or bettering yourself. It can take on many meanings, and if you don’t find meaning in resolutions, then they have no place in your life. However, the New Year can be an opportunity to set goals for personal growth if that’s what you value. So, as a first step: reflect on your values and why they matter to you. The second step should be using science to inform your goal-setting process. Studies have shown that goals should be challenging but achievable. This way, you feel satisfaction from pushing yourself to reach that goal, but the goal doesn’t feel so impossible that you give up. Additionally, science says to set approach goals rather than avoidant ones; focus on what you want and not on what you don’t. Lastly, establishing a plan to achieve your goals can help ensure that you do not lose sight of them and are on the track to achieving them.