To understand what living with depression feels like, you need to understand depression. According to the American Psychiatric Association, depression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and act. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or loss of interest in activities that one once enjoyed participating in. Everyone deals with depression differently but the most general form would be comparing it to a black hole. Depression can tend to suck in all negativity. This black hole is capable of making every bad experience, moment, action, or even day seem non-hopeful or positive. It’s like thinking to yourself “Oh great, I need to do X, Y, and Z today and then think… what’s the point? It’s not like it matters anyway.” This process can repeat itself every second of the day.
I live with depression. It is scary to live with it especially while being in college. Depression tells me that “it’s not worth getting out of bed today,” or “you’re stupid and no one cares about you.” Even though I know that that is not true, depression will have you thinking that those negative thoughts are real. Sometimes I feel nothing at all. I had a friend tell me that she was getting married and although I was really happy for her, the depressed side of me felt nothing. Although I had hurt her feelings she knew that that was the depressed side of me talking.
There is often a misconception that if someone is depressed, they never smile or never feel okay. THAT’S NOT THE TRUTH. Look at me. Around campus, everyone knows me as the brown skin that’s always smiling and laughing. People always ask “Lexius do you ever have a bad day because I always see you smiling?” and the truth is yes, yes I do. I’m human. I have bad days but my bad days are far worse than bad days. Depression has a way of making me feel low. Dealing with depression I have learned how to put on a brave face. It is very easy to fool everyone if you want to. Before I leave my room for class, I check to make sure I have my one card, my wallet, my headphones, I’m well dressed and a smile on my face. After a while, you teach yourself how to “act normal”. When is a person is struggling with depression, sometimes they just need that one person that will see past the happy mask.
Dealing with depression is not a bad thing and as a society, we need to be more open to it. We need to start having conversations with people because we never know what they are going through. We need to stand up and let people know that they are not alone. Even if you can not relate you can just be a friend and be in that person’s corner.