Many of us have a difficult time saying ‘no’. The inability to utter this small, tiny two-letter word has led us down a path we don’t wish to go down more times than any of us could count. Whether it be preventing us from staying home and studying, catching up on that show you finally thought you had the time for, or simply just relaxing when you really need it, not being able to say ‘no’ has affected us all. We agree to these crazy plans and commitments because something inside us says “If you don’t, you’ll be a bad person and nobody will like you!” So you do. You tell that person that you can cover their shift for them, despite the assignment you haven’t even started being due at midnight. You tell that friend that yes, you can go hang out tonight, despite your longing to just curl up in bed and watch your favourite show for the night. You tell that guy or gal you really aren’t that interested in that you’ll “give them a chance” at dinner, despite knowing it’ll be a train wreck.
“Sure, I can do that.”
Why? Because of that impossible word. Because you don’t believe you’re strong enough to say what shall not be spoken: ‘no’. You don’t have the courage to disappoint someone when they need something from you. But you know what? You’re stronger than that.
Many obstacles that life places before us can be very straining, but one peaceful reminder that you can tell yourself is that not EVERYTHING is in your control. Now as true as that may be, we must not let the things that we can control slip away from our fingers. Is it good to tell everybody that you don’t want to do anything for them? Not necessarily, but a lot of things can be good in moderation. As long as you aren’t rude about it, it’s okay to just say no! Tell that coworker about your exam or assignment and how important it is. They might not have even known how critical it was in the first place and could even apologize for asking.
Tell that friend how stressed you’ve been lately and how desperately you need to rest in bed. I think it’s safe to assume your friend is human too, and they can relate to needing a night to themselves once in a while too. Many times we overthink these situations because we prioritize people over our own wellbeing, and we forget that we have our own lives that we must keep maintained. If it’s that hard for you to tell somebody that you can’t do something in the moment, use this simple line: ‘Can I get back to you on that? I need to check my schedule.’ Use this time to formulate the appropriate response and so you can explain to them your unavailability.
Learning to say no to somebody can be difficult, but you’ll realize over time that it will not only free up a ton of time that you need, but it will also strengthen self-confidence when standing up to people. Show them that you will NOT be stepped on. Your favour is something to be appreciated, not taken advantage of. And if you need any clarification on that?..Well..
let me check my schedule first.