Have you ever heard the older women in your life tell you about their lost love? Jack, who went to war in Korea or high school sweethearts separated when one left for university. The once-a-week phone call from a payphone and regret of what may have been. The idea that geographical separation leads to an ultimatum, marriage, or the end of the relationship, is something of the past. In 2025, when communication can happen 24/7, a romantic relationship can continue as it was before. You can call each other virtually (FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, etc…) every night, send a “good morning” text exactly when your partner’s alarm goes off and even engage in some of the “activities” that were thought impossible to do without the closest form of contact. Fairytale ending and all. But—are long distance relationships the future?
According to relationship communications researcher Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, partnerships are plagued by three main flaws: romantic idealization, uncertainty and jealousy. Idealization rears its ugly head when the couple reunites and realizes that the image they invented of their partner is an illusion (Suwinyattichaiporn, 2017). Flaws become all they see, fights emerge after every conversation and failure is imminent. Jealousy and uncertainty,on the other hand, are present during the virtual stage of the relationship; social media being the main culprit (Suwinyattichaiporn, 2017).
There’s also the issue of a lack of in-person social connection. As more and more of our social relationships are becoming virtual, we are distancing ourselves from one-on-one conversations with the people in our lives. Are we slowly losing what makes us human? Will listening to podcasts replace having conversations with our friends? Will all intimate connections be had via OnlyFans?
Okay, this is getting a bit gloomy. Not all online or long-distance relationships are doomed to fail. I should know; I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for a little over two years. My relationship has survived many people’s talking stages/situationships. We aren’t perfect, that’s for sure; sometimes it’s lonely, sometimes we argue, and sometimes we feel jealous of others who are in close relationships. However, I think what has kept us together is that, despite the distance, we love each other, and we make sure that we both feel loved. Whether that means FaceTiming each other every night, texting throughout the day, and making sure that every moment in person counts—we do it for each other and for the health of our relationship.
So, what does all this mean? Well, like it or not, I believe that long-distance relationships are here to stay. Will they all be perfect? No. But no relationship is. Long-distance relationships also allow relationships, that would have been previously cut short, to flourish. Humans are bad at dealing with the unknown—but love and relationships are full of unknowns. Instead of running from uncertainty and imperfection, I say we embrace it.
Reference
Suwinyatttichaiporn, Tara. “Maintaining Long Distance Romantic Relationships: The College Students Perspective.” Kentucky Journal of Communication, vol.36, no.1, 2017, pp.67-89.