There is always the slight hesitation when asked the infamous question, “What are you going to do when you graduate?”
And the truth is I really don’t know. I just hate being asked because how do you tell someone that, to be quite honest, you’ve been in school your whole life so you’re not exactly sure what it feels like to not be a student.
A few days ago I went to sign up for a new credit card, and I almost clicked the student option, but then I remembered that in a few months I won’t be a student anymore.
It’s a weird feeling to finally be an adult and to finally be in charge of your life after you graduate. Sure you’ll have a boss and a job, and your parents will always be there nagging you but no longer will teachers be deciding what mark to give you and what number defines your worth or the heap of homework sitting on your desk deciding that maybe this Saturday is a good night to stay in.
When I graduate I can go out every single Saturday, right?
After I graduate I won’t be allowed in any of the clubs I’m in because I’ll be an alumni of my sorority, and I won’t see all my friends that decided that they need one more year because I’ll be in that make-believe-land of college graduates… whatever they do or wherever they are.
At the end of the day, as I’m picking out the dress I’ll wear under my robe and sitting with a smile on my face while someone takes my graduation photos, I will feel sad.
I am sad that I’m leaving and a part of me wants to rip my degree in half and yell “I’m not going anywhere!”
And it makes it even worse because what is the point of me leaving when I don’t know what I’m doing after I graduate? It’s either move out, get a job, or move away. these seem like the only options available to me. What if I don’t want any of these options?
I feel even worse when someone asks me if I’ve started to apply for any jobs. Sure, let me just schedule some interviews between all the essays I’m writing and the books I’m reading because guess what I’m still in school until May. Fourth year classes don’t complete themselves.
So yeah you can ask me what I’m doing, it’s technically a fair question because I am, after all, graduating. But please don’t expect me to have an answer. And if I do have an answer don’t be shocked if I say I just want to breathe.