As I have recently entered my twenties, I am placing a strong emphasis on emotional and intellectual growth. After reaching adulthood, things that once seemed like certainties became questions instead. Here are five things I am trying to unlearn.
- Struggling Equals Failure
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Growing up, I was always accustomed to hiding when I was struggling. To me, struggling meant weakness and failure. As I’ve entered my twenties, I’m starting to realize that rather than a failure, struggling is proof of effort. When I’m struggling to complete all my homework, instead of listening to the voice in my head telling me that I’m not strong enough, I try to turn that thought into something more positive, such as acknowledging that struggling is a natural part of the human experience. It’s essential to treat ourselves gently, especially during these rough and tiring university years, where challenges often feel like definitive failure.
- Life Needs to Follow a Fixed “Timeline”
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Growing up, I had a rigid idea of what my life should look like: starting university right out of high school, attending grad school immediately after, and then settling down to start a family alongside my future career. The pressure of conforming to these standards within this timeline felt exhausting, but I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to. I am trying to learn that no one’s life is parallel to someone else’s, and there is no time limit on anything. I feel like this “go with the flow” mindset is really important for people in their twenties, as the pressure to live up to imaginary standards can feel suffocating. Besides, focusing on the “here and now” is much more productive.
- External Validation Is a Must
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Another thing I am trying to unlearn is the need for external validation. I always wanted and needed everyone to like me, and if they didn’t, I felt like something was wrong with me. I’ve been trying to understand that some people won’t like me, won’t agree with what I say or do, and won’t support me, and that is 100% okay. As I get older, I realize that other people’s opinions hold no weight or truth —the only truth that matters is the one I carry in my heart. As an adult, I would much rather be true to myself than be validated based on false pretenses.
- Conformity Is Critical
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As a teen, I was always afraid to stand out or be different from everyone else. Being different is scary and ostracizing, and it feels much safer blending into the crowd.Now in my twenties, I am becoming more aware of my personal autonomy and the control I have over my life. Conformity will get me nowhere when I am living an individual experience. I’vebeen making an effort to enjoy my interests boldly, express myself as I see fit, and stay away from trends that don’t align with who I am. Conformity is the death of individuality, and individuality is what keeps the world interesting.
- Appearance Is Everything
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Another idea I am currently trying to unlearn is the importance of appearance. In my teens, you would never have seen me leave the house without my makeup on; I used it more as a shield against the world rather than a confidence boost. Now, I’m trying to appreciate what matters most, like kindness, courage, and curiosity, and stop focusing on others’ perceptions of me every hour. What matters most about me is not my appearance, but what lies within.
Thank you for reading my article about things I am trying to unlearn in my twenties. I hope this was relatable and inspiring!