Content warning: This piece mentions depression.
October has finally settled in. This is my favorite month of the year for many reasons: the cool weather, cozy outfits, the annual re-binge of Gilmore Girls, and everything pumpkin spice. However, there is one important thing that happens during this month: my birthday.
Growing up, I was always excited for my birthday to finally arrive. As a kid, this means that you’ll be given money, toys, and any other amazing things that will be gifted to you. As a teen, you may have the urge to want to celebrate your birthday outside of your family. You can either spend it with friends or your significant other (if you have). But, what about when you become an actual adult?
Turning 20 is a major step into entering adulthood. This is the time of one’s life when they are getting their “big girl” or “big boy” jobs, buying their first apartments, or finishing up their time in college. Your 20s can mean a lot, both spiritually and mentally. For me, it’s going to be all about navigating and celebrating it as much as I can. I feel like my teenage years could’ve been better in many ways, but I still got a lot of life to live, so I’m wanting to make it count.
When I turned 18 two years ago, I was thrilled to be considered an adult. But, at the same time, I didn’t really feel like a true adult due to the fact that I still had to wait three more years to legally drink and that I was still considered a “kid”. Back then, I had this sudden urge to grow up quicker, because I wanted to be out of my parent’s house and live my life on my own terms. Once I entered college, I realized that wanting to grow up fast can be met with curveballs. And, the realization that growing up can be scary.
As you grow older, you are going to be given more responsibility. This past year of me being in college has been somewhat rough and good at the same time. I had to learn how to take care of myself, either by reminding myself to go to class or eat all three meals each day. I no longer had my mom or dad banging on my door to wake me up, so I could get ready for school. Living away from home did give me more freedom, such as no curfew and hanging out with my friends for as long as I want. However, I had many moments where I felt lonely and out of touch with reality. Being away from my family for an extended period of time did bring in feelings of homesickness and depression. I guess it’s because I was so used to having a support system that I could go home to every day. In the words of Taylor Swift,”you’re on your own, kid”.
What I decided to do during my dark periods was to open up about my feelings with counselors and friends that I grew close to since my time in college. I consider myself as an introverted person and there are days where I won’t leave my room for long periods. Once I moved into college, it only got worse and I feel like it added on to my depression. Being able to live outside my comfort zone these past couple of months have been a pivotal moment for me, because I know that this is something that I need to carry on into my 20s. Although there are still some rough patches that I experience, I now know that life isn’t always going to be shimmery golden. That’s one of the many parts of growing up.
I remember my dad telling me to “stay strong” once I do enter my 20s, because life will get harder as it goes on. What I do hope to achieve in my 20s is stability, self-growth, and success. This upcoming milestone in my life is one that will teach me about how I can navigate my 20s and not waste it. I want to be able to continue doing things outside my comfort zone and I want to be able to open up about my feelings to those who will listen. As I turn 20 on October 17, it’ll be something that will be one to remember: I am a big girl now.