A Message to the Mutual Breakupee's

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I think it’s appropriate to address the people who are going to be a little lonely that day. Like me. After a fifteen month long relationship that ended up being long distance, me and my boyfriend called it quits. There was no one to blame. No big fight. Just a simple “fine” was all it took. And now having experienced a break up like this, I’m realizing now that there’s a silver lining to everything. And while relationships like these hurt a little more since there’s still a little bit of love leftover, it’s still gonna be okay. And here’s why.

You’re in control again

Being in a relationship means two people are working together to make it work. It isn’t really about the individual anymore because you’re trying to think about the other person in almost everything you do. But since you’ve let that person go, you have more opportunity because now it’s just you. You against the world. And what’s more empowering than that? Yeah, it will feel like a little piece of you is gone and you’ll feel a little empty, but try not to let it get to you for too long. Give yourself time, but at some point you have to pick yourself up and take control of your life again.

Your bank account is yours finally

One thing I’ve learned over the course of being in a long term relationship is that dating someone is expensive. Especially in a long distance relationship, there’s plane tickets involved, all of the stuff you’re planning on doing for the time you’re together, etc. Also anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, all of it adds up. Now the only things you need to worry about are the things that you need. Take this time to buy the stuff you’ve been saving up for. Treat yourself to a lunch for one. Just don’t emotional spend too much.\

You can spend more time with friends

After being with someone for over a year, he remained that one constant part of my life that I always gravitated to. I didn’t really go out unless it was with him. I stayed in even during our long distance relationship because I wasn’t good at making friends in my new area and relied on him to keep me company at night. But now he that he isn’t part of that routine anymore, I can take my nights back and figure out what other fun new things I can do for myself with or without other people.

You can be your own person again

Dating someone entails living for two people. And what’s nice about mutual breakups is that because there’s no blame or harsh fight that causes all the turmoil, you can take the time to realize the difference between who you were with them and without them. If you spent a long time with your SO, it will take a while to figure out how to be single again or an individual again. But at the end of it all, you can take your dating experience to realize what you like and don’t like. So when the next one comes along, you know a little bit more about what you need. Think for yourself now. While you were your own person in your relationship already, now you don’t have someone to influence your decisions.

Breakups are always painful. Some people grieve longer than others, but the sooner you see the silver lining, the sooner you can get back to being you again. And on Valentine’s Day, don’t sweat it. Find another single friend and do something fun. Go spend it with your fam if you really don’t want to be alone. Or take this time to do something you’ve been waiting to do for long time. It’s all about you now. Enjoy it!