Ah, baths. Picture this: a night to yourself, you decide to pick up a good book and a glass wine and head to the bathtub to soak in those bath bombs you got for Christmas. You are feeling very Pinterest relaxation board right now as you fill up the bathtub. A perfect night, right? Wrong. Here are the seven deadly stages of taking a bath.
#1: How much water does this tub need?
I have been waiting here for five years and this dang thing is still only half full. It would be faster to drive to a hotel and use the hot tub. This does not feel good for the environment, just saying.
#2: Ok, I got the tub filled; now I will lower myself into my own filth.
I do not understand what is so appealing about sitting in hot water while everything disgusting about the human body floats on by. The only solution to this would be to take a shower before the bath… but isn’t that counter-intuitive?
#3: Now what?
Alright, I’m here. When does the relaxation start? I wish I had a waterproof book or something because taking a bath is a snooze feast and not in a peaceful way.
#4: Is this what my hands will look like when I’m old?
My prune-y fingers are making me uncomfortable and I want to leave.
#5: My book is getting wet and I don’t know where to put my drink.
What was the point of making this a thing tonight?
#6: Ok, that’s it. I’m getting out; time to use all the lotion in the house.
My skin like a sponge. For every pump of lotion I use, I need two more afterward.
#7: Yup, I’m never doing that again.
I think I’ll just stick to showers.