Listening to Yourself When You Really Don't Want To

You know those toxic relationships with people in your life that you really should not be in but you have a deep rooted history with them and love them dearly so it's practically impossible to say goodbye? Hopefully, you say no because I wish it upon no one; however, I am not so fortunate. Over a year ago I ended a relationship that was not toxic in an obvious way, nor did it end with hatred or spite. It ended because I couldn't handle having such heavy issues and familial problems being put on me by someone else, constantly having to hold him up on a day to day basis. But, I did this for almost 2.5 years because I was deeply in love.

Unfortunately, a lot of us withstand too much and put ourselves in great danger due to this intense love for people in our lives. After this relationship I was left brokenhearted beyond words and ultimately without my best friend in a new state at a new college; there were no words to describe how lonely and sad I felt. The pain continued through the rest of the year and still continues to find its way back in my life every so often. However, this was not the worst of it. Almost a year later I never thought I'd find myself having to do what I had to do.

I never thought I would have to cut this person out of my life due to him treating me so poorly. He was never like that. He never meant harm so I let him harm me and apologize for it because I knew his heart was too big to mean any of it, but when is enough, enough? I thought I was ending that portion of our relationship when the intimate side ended, but unfortunately, I continued to be dragged into things I had no business being pulled into. This caused me to, just recently, block him from my phone. I had never even ignored this person before until a few weeks ago, let alone block him. This was me listening to myself when I really did not want to. How could I be blocking someone that I once loved and shared so many memories with? How could I take the person that knew me best out of my life like that? The questions swarmed my head over and over again as I made the final decision to remove him from my technology. However, I knew this was the best thing for me. Seeing his name pop up on my phone repeatedly over and over again after I asked him kindly to stop texting me continuously sent physical pains throughout my body.

So, when is enough, enough? Now. It may be almost a year and a half later, but I came to this decision at my own pace. Whether or not I should have done this earlier in the year is irrelevant, because I was figuring out how to manage such on my own. It may be slow to some, but to see the progress that I have made since is something I am very proud of and grateful for. Toxic people can be hard to extract from your life, especially when they are those you love(d), but at some point, if it's right, you will know when the time is to remove them for your own good. It won't be easy, but it is necessary in order to move forward and to try and live your best life.