If there was one piece of advice that stood out the most in my graduation cards, it was this: stay true to who you are. I was surprised at first, even confused, thinking to myself not only, “what does this mean,” but also “what values make up who I am?”
Before my college move-in, I figured it would be rather simple advice, even obvious. Who would choose not to stay true to who they are? I would even laugh at the thought of giving in to peer pressure; I mean, how many campaigns have we heard against it? It wasn’t until I stepped foot onto campus my first week – orientation week – that I ran into my first real test of “following the crowd” versus listening to my own internal “right or wrong” compass.
What I understand now is that “peer pressure” isn’t encapsulated accurately in those terms; rather, I’d redefine it (through my experiences) as “standing aside awkwardly while everyone else indulges.” It’s not the saying “no” that’s hard; it’s watching your friends establish a connection through a substance that you’ve decided not to partake in. You feel as though you’ve lost them to an extent – there’s a factor that distances you from them, yet another distinct difference between your beliefs and theirs. Sometimes it’s even difficult not to judge them in the process; instead, I have to remember that my biases and views come from what I’ve seen in my life, not what they’ve seen in theirs. They may have come from an environment of “responsible” use; meanwhile, I did not.
There’s another, an even greater factor, I’ve found, that can sometimes threaten to surpass the initial “no” too, and that’s spontaneity. The act of being spontaneous is the impulsive desire to do something in the moment, foregoing the consequences, which I’ve seen many times lead to regret later. The art of denying yourself something in the moment, especially when you’re presented with it appealingly, is the ultimate test of sticking firmly to yourself and the principles that matter most to you. It’s at these moments when I look down at the necklace I wear with the emblem “Big Sis” written on it to describe what I believe to be the most important title in my life: sister. I try to imagine how my sister would view me if I did the said action, and when I picture her disappointment, it becomes easier to resist. In referring to love, I’m able to remember what matters most to me, and thus sustain my values in the midst of new, unpredictable surroundings.