As a first-year on campus I can recall many UVM students years ahead of me warning that the unusually warm and sunny days of this past summer were temporary. “Just wait until winter,” my RA said, “you’ll have to buy a sun lamp to ward off the seasonal depression.” I thought everyone was being dramatic, especially because I made it through the first-semester without severe feelings of homesickness or isolation. In fact, I was uplifted by students’ reactions to the first snow fall of the season in November. The snowmen, snowball fights, snow sculptures of catamounts, and the hearts drawn in the fresh powder made it feel like everyone on campus was united in welcoming the changing of the season. I remember thinking to myself, I made it out of the woods, right? Â
However, unfortunately, no, I did not. Arriving back to campus to begin the second-semester of college, I had a gut feeling that something was off. I’ve learned now to lean into that feeling rather than avoid it. Instead of a warm reunion with one of my best friends from first-semester I’ve since discovered that she ghosted me after switching her major program out of our shared classes. That initial betrayal hurt deeply, I felt that we had been through quite a bit the first-semester and shared many points of connection; I suppose she felt differently. Additionally, the shortening of the days, lack of sunlight, and the gradual transition to days under 10 degrees Fahrenheit (not to mention the nationwide winter storm) finally began to take a mental toll.Â
I was fortunate to have made some new friends in some classes this semester, including connecting for the first time with some girls on my dorm floor who I never quite got around to knowing in the first-semester. It feels nice now to smile and wave when I see a familiar face on campus, rather than sullenly wish to lay in bed staring at the ceiling wondering whether I made the right decision to be here. Even in the moments when I don’t feel particularly connected to campus culture or I’ve shaken my head too many times in a single day at ridiculous behavior I’ve seen from other UVM students I am reminded that there are nice people here too. I’ve seen their generosity first-hand and I actively work to reciprocate – the true essence of friendship.
This generosity comes in several forms: grabbing an EcoWare and saving it for someone because they’re working late, checking in on someone when they’re sick and offering to walk with them to get fresh air, becoming a listening ear to their concerns here or back home, laughing about the absurdities of our roommates, and above all else, embracing in a hug when there aren’t words to make the moment feel right. The hug can be a greeting, a good-bye, or most often as I interpret it, an attempt to thaw someone’s cold exterior and warm them up to discussion and feelings of belonging. So, please, in this cold and gray season, be the reason your friend can picture a cerulean blue sky when you walk their way, a reminder that no feeling of melancholy is ever permanent and that every moment can inspire a change of heart and mind.