As our grey Toyota van drives into the distance, I collapse, and my tears won’t stop. My entire world is driving away, and for the first time, they forgot to take me with them. After the most heartbreaking departure of my life, seeing displays of emotion I’ve never seen before, I’m suddenly supposed to hit up the frats. I think not.
Finding My way Home
One of the first of many struggles I experienced was navigating Google Maps; that’s when I realized how unfamiliar everything truly was. Friend groups walked beside me while I was on my own in my struggles. With nothing but the good-morning text my parents sent me that morning to keep me company, I embarked on my journey into adulthood. After a long day of classes that surprisingly intrigued me more than any class had before, I felt deeply inspired yet still very alone. So what did I do that is frowned upon? I called my family. Ladies and gentlemen, you are allowed to call home 15 minutes or 1 week after drop-off; I don’t care when, just call them. After calling them, I was reminded of my purpose, of the blessing it was to navigate something new.
​Learning to make my own plans
As a proud New Yorker, you would think party life is a scene I’m used to. While I’ve definitely seen some crazy things and been exposed to all one can imagine, I hate frats. I hate the idea of being enclosed with a bunch of people, loud music, and no escape… anyway, without places to go, I was left with the inevitable moments of isolation in my dorm. I thought that when I came to college, I would suddenly become a party girl, but that’s just not who I am.
Once I realized that it was okay to have a different reality that didn’t match my expectations, I realized I needed to form connections on my own terms. Don’t get me wrong now, I still love hanging out with friends, particularly when there’s food around, so what did I do? I planned lunch with all my new friends and roommates! While that may seem straightforward, in college every schedule is different, so lunch is always up in the air. After some research, I booked every day of my week. I have a planned lunch with every one of my friends, which means no loneliness (yay!) On Mondays and Wednesdays, I meet up with my roommate and have good ol’ Ohill. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I meet up with some friends from class and trauma dump alongside a meal exchange. Fridays are up in the air; I’m not that structured. I have something to look forward to every week thanks to them.
Loneliness doesn’t last forever
It’s been one long month now, and I’ve gotten into a routine. I still feel moments of profound sadness, but now I have people to rely on. Some days that might mean a long FaceTime with my family, but sometimes it looks like reaching out to those around me and setting some plans into motion. You will continue to feel lonely unless you tell yourself to appreciate those around you, especially when you need it most. Perhaps the first step towards moving forward is also realizing that it’s okay to mourn what you left behind.