In the past year, we have been faced with many obstacles that we’ve had to learn to adjust to. We lived through a pandemic, presidential election, unusual weather, and so much more. Over this past year, one thought has popped up into my head more than a few dozen times; am I where I’m supposed to be in my life? I’ve personally struggled with this thought so much over the past few months and I know many other people have as well, and I feel that it’s time to talk about why it’s okay not to have everything figured out in college.
The idea of me not having my life figured out and planned while I was in college would have torn me apart last year. These thoughts of “Am I where I’m supposed to be in my life?” didn’t start until we all got sent home last March from school. We were faced with such unprecedented times, and I felt like I was just doing my school work just to do it because I felt like I had to, not because I wanted to or enjoyed it. More and more, I found myself asking that question, and this caused me to spiral. I felt like I couldn’t plan my future anymore because I didn’t know what the future had in store. I spent hours worrying that what if I continue what I’m doing, but once I graduate, what if I hate it?
There were a million “what if’s” that I was facing but, I knew I couldn’t keep going on like that. It was beginning to make me anxious and stressed, constantly wondering what my future would look like, and the fact that I felt like I couldn’t plan anything for the future made it worse. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted some type of certainty. I’ve always caught myself overthinking and overanalyzing every little detail in my life, constantly thinking of the worst-case scenario so that I could be prepared if things didn’t go right. It’s a tiring place to be when you’re constantly trying to figure out the next thing, and life is really just asking you to let go a bit and trust more. I’ve never really felt like I had it all figured out, and I still don’t. There have been times that I felt less or more okay with that, though. There is so much beauty in not having everything figured out. Accepting that uncertainty makes everything a little less scary.
It’s okay not to know. It’s okay not to have an answer. It’s okay to go with the flow and roll with the punches. It’s okay not to have your life figured out. I had to learn to tell myself that, and from time to time that I needed to let go of the idea in my head of what my life should be at that very moment and just accept how it really is and where I actually am at that moment. As long as you’re gently pushing yourself every day towards the person you want to become, you’re doing it right. There is time, it may seem like there isn’t, but there is. When we get wrapped up in thinking that we need to know our future, we lose sight of the present. Instead of asking yourself, “Am I where I need to be in life?” ask yourself, “what do I want?” I’ll leave you with this, both my grandmothers always used to tell me when I was younger that when I’m looking for something I won’t find it right away but, when you’re not looking you’ll find it. So don’t spend so much time looking for what you’re trying to find and what the future has in store and more time in the present, learning that it’s okay not to have everything figured out right away.