As most people probably know, having feelings for someone that doesn’t feel the same way can be pretty painful. Whether it’s having a little crush on a friend or being completely in love with someone that doesn’t even know you exist, nobody wants to be in that situation. I hate to admit it, but I ended up in that position not too long ago. Although it was extremely hard at the time, I got over it, and I believe that I am a better person because of it.
For most of my life, I prided myself on the fact that I never got hung up on any guy. I could flirt with different guys and go on dates, but I always stayed cautious about becoming emotionally attached. I have to admit, it was a pretty stress free way to live. Unfortunately, things started to change after being in college for a while. I started talking to this guy, and before long, I realized that I really liked him.
It was a weird feeling. I’m supposed to be the girl that didn’t have to worry about falling for a guy, but now I found myself getting really excited every time I saw a message from him and finding any excuse to hang out with him or even run into him around campus. I was terrified to tell him that I liked him though. I hated the thought of admitting my feelings and risking embarrassment if he didn’t feel the same.
All good things must come to an end, and he eventually moved on. I don’t blame him for it, I never told him how I truly felt, so I never gave him a reason to keep talking to me over a girl who did share her emotions with him. I wish I knew if he ever felt the same towards me, but there are more important things to worry about now.
As time went on, he quickly got over me. I was hurt and upset while he looked happy and comfortable. We would still smile and wave if we passed each other in public, but I knew that it didn’t mean the same to him as it did to me. Even though I’ll always remember him as the first guy I really liked, he’ll probably just remember me as a girl he talked to for a few months in college.
I could easily let that thought negatively affect me, but that won’t change the past. Instead, I choose to remember that time of my life in a positive way. I made mistakes and I’ve learned from them. Now I know that I should be honest with my feelings, because rejection is a million times better than regret. I also know that I don’t have to continue to close myself off from others, because expressing emotions is healthy.
I’m not mad at that boy, or even mad about how things turned out. I’m actually grateful, because he served an important role in helping me mature and grow as a person. I don’t want to forget him, because I don’t think I would have the confidence that I have today without him. I believe everyone comes into your life for a reason, and his reason was to teach me to be comfortable opening up in the future. I wish the best for him, and hopefully I can use the lessons learned from that experience to live my best life as well.