Perfectionism Isn't Perfect

Everyone knows the girl that “has it all”. You know her- she plays sports, is great at school, and no one can argue that she's pretty in that non-traditional, but super annoying, way. She’s the girl that walks out of an exam you thought went fairly well for you saying “I failed” … then three days later you get the grades back & you have a 73 and she has a 96. She’s the girl everyone wants to hate, because she thinks she’s better than you.


I am that girl, but I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not perfect. Yes, I am a perfectionist. I believe getting a B is the end of the world, and if I do poorly at a morning practice I will be moody all day. I don’t pay a dime for my college education, and I thrive in one of the hardest majors UTM offers. I sit in the front row of every class, have an answer to all the professors questions and as a result all my professors know me by name. I have pretty red hair, and I get tipped at work because I’m not an ugly waitress. I don’t blame you for hating me, because I would hate me too.


The thing is... you only see the good. I’m a perfectionist, so I wouldn’t let you see the bad. You’ve never seen me cry in my car driving home from the class you called me a know it all in. You’ve never held my hair while I threw up from an anxiety attack before having to go to school in the morning. You never gave up on inviting me to go out, and ultimately on our friendship, because I always had homework or a competition I needed to focus on instead. You’ve never begged me to eat more than a brownie and a vanilla coke, but ultimately given up, because you knew my ADHD medicine was at fault. You don’t watch me stare at the mirror wishing I looked more like you. You don’t see what I look like behind closed doors.


I am not perfect. I have set the highest standards for myself, and I do my best to achieve them. I expect the best of myself, but no one can be “perfect” all the time. I trip and fall like everyone else does. Please don’t judge me from the outside, because inside I have it a lot less together than you would think.