I Quit, and It's Okay

December 8, 2017 was the day I finally made the decision to quit my sorority. It was hard. Even writing this right now is difficult, but I don’t regret my decision.

I rushed my fall semester of my freshmen year of college. My sisters were both in the sorority I wanted to be in, and one was even in it at the same time I was rushing.. Of course, I wanted to be in the sorority my sister was in so we could spend her senior year together, but that’s not the only reason I chose the sorority I did. I loved the values and everything it stood for. I still do, and when I opened my bid day card and saw it was the sorority I thought I was always meant to be in, of course I ran out to them.

But after bid day was when everything else changed. I know freshmen have it harder in a sorority because they have so much to pay for, so many things to attend, so many people to meet and so many things to represent. I knew that, but actually doing it was much harder. I always expected to be best friends with my pledge class and make friends like my sister had but for me, that was not the case. I did make friends that I’ll always have by my side. Most of them were older than me, which means they graduated before me.

Since the beginning I never truly felt like myself within my sorority, especially after my sister left. It had nothing to do with the women in it, my involvement (which trust me I tried) or the things people said about us on campus (good and bad.) I just don’t think I was cut out to be in a sorority. Which was weird for me to believe since me and my sister are so much alike. We are both shy, not outgoing and almost the same person. She grew in the sorority, and it made me so happy to be able to be a part of that-- to be able to watch her get out of her comfort zone and make new friends, but it took me two and a half years to realize just because it happened to her does not mean it will happen for me.

I realized in my junior year of college that it was time to be done. I always put everyone and their opinions first, so much so that I asked everyone I knew about what I should do about quitting because I didn’t want to make the decision myself. I was scared to say, “I quit because I want to.” I was so scared of what my family and friends would say that I kept putting it off. My Big, my Little, and all my other friends just wanted me to be happy. They of course hated to see me quit, but didn’t want me to be unhappy either.

I’m glad I rushed my freshmen year, and I’m glad I got to be a part of an organization that helps so many people, but I’m also glad I don’t have to lie to myself anymore. In college, I’ve changed without even realizing it, and I’ve become involved in so much more than I would have ever thought, and I didn’t need a sorority to do that. I still live by what my sorority stands for. I still talk to girls that are in it, and I’ll still support them in any way I can, but I can feel like myself when I do it.