be better, a poem

This one should be better I say

Fighting with myself because I think I’m a failure. 

I don’t know what’s worse

My body… or my mind. 

 

I have to tell myself that I am good enough

But the rebuttal is that I am just nothing, 

Just another girl who hates the way she looks in that dress. 

The girl who isn’t smart enough. Isn’t funny enough. 

Isn’t kind enough.

To herself or others. The other girls have confidence. 

 

They offer skinny legs and only one chin. 

I offer stretch marks and a need for reassurance. 

Society tells me that I need to be better. 

Society tells me that I need to lose weight. 

186 pounds are you kidding me? I used to think I was pretty…

 

Then someone asked me if I was pregnant. 

You gained so much weight, they said.

Again I offer stretch marks but not a baby. 

I offer days of not leaving my bed and then one good day 

where I am too busy running around instead of spending it with you. 

I lay back down the next day and I wake up and think..

 

This one should be better.