Loving two countries, cultures, and homes is challenging. Being born in one country and living
in another means acknowledging a life that could have been vastly different if your parents chose
to prioritize their own life over ours. This realization brings its own guilt.
Immigrant students live a dual life: two friend groups, two families, two homes, and two sets of
cousins, each with its own loyalties. Choosing between them is difficult; the comfort of
familiarity back home, where fitting in comes naturally, contrasts sharply with the challenge of
adapting to a new culture. We frequently use phrases like “back home” and “in my home
country” to ensure those around us understand our unique backgrounds. Our comfort foods and
favorite films might differ significantly from our friends’, reflecting the distinct cultural
environment we were raised in, Yet, in a large group setting, we often opt for American food or
films when making a choice, aiming to blend in or cater to the majority’s preferences.
Adapting to movement adds another layer of complexity to our lives. Frequently going back and
forth means starting over repeatedly, making it difficult to form lasting connections. We all know
that feeling of driving to the airport back home after being there for a couple weeks and the
familiar feeling of a pit, deep in your stomach. The tears and held back emotions are at an all
time high. Witnessing our parents’ final embrace with their parents, knowing it might be the last
for a long time, is a profoundly emotional moment that can overshadow our own feelings. At
least I have the solace of bringing my parents along with me… Even with all this, we return to a
different kind of familiarity. Our friends, school, and home all await us with open arms, ready to
welcome us back into the fold. You slip back into the familiar routine you’ve followed for years,
reaching for your phone to binge through the photos you took back home.
For many immigrant students, their parents’ success is a key source of motivation. We’re driven
by the desire to one day provide our parents with such comfort that it justifies all their sacrifices.
Do we push ourselves to the limit? Absolutely. Is every small victory on the way to our larger
success worth the joy it brings them? Undoubtedly. Would I choose this life again for myself?
Without hesitation.
However, there are challenges. The intense academic and familial pressure to succeed often leads
us to question our career choices. Do we ever feel the urge to disappear due to differences in
opinion with our parents? (Been there, done that.) Understanding that they are not acquainted
with our adopted culture is difficult. For instance, my parents disapproved of school dances—a
concept foreign to their educational experience and cultural background. They’ve gradually come
to tolerate them, but it’s a reminder of the struggle to navigate and enjoy both aspects of our
lives: adhering to approved forms of enjoyment back home and embracing the unconventional
here.What makes all these challenges worthwhile? It’s the extended phone calls home, where a single
phone becomes a shared lifeline as everyone eagerly takes their turn to speak. It’s the pride in
showing our parents that 80 on the Organic Chemistry exam, and the joy of taking our siblings
out to eat in our car for the very first time. These moments of connection, achievement, and
independence validate the struggles and bridge the distances between our two worlds. We are
embodying ours and our parents’ dreams, making their sacrifices (and ours) truly rewarding.
Indeed, it can be challenging to function when your mind is in one country and your heart in
another. Yet, it’s this very experience that sets us apart and defines our uniqueness. The
abundance of ethnic restaurants, the college experience, the opportunity to move out (which we
all know wouldn’t be possible back home), expressing our own opinions, gaining autonomy,
encountering new experiences, and personal growth, along with the ethnic clubs on campus that
offer glimpses of home, all contribute to making life here worthwhile. We cherish experiencing
these bits and pieces, each adding to the richness of our journey, because home doesn’t just need
to be one place.