I think it is fair to say that Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is a bop that has shaken every college girl to the core. For those who have yet to hear the song, Ariana sings about how grateful she is for the lessons she learned from her past relationships. Ariana also describes what positive things her exes added to her life, acknowledging that even though relationships may have ended poorly, those relationships had meaningful moments. Her song concludes gratitude for her past and a readiness to face a new future.
Whether you’re an Ariananator or just a basic appreciator of music, you’ve heard this song. In our culture of ‘throwing shade’, roasting, and ‘screw you’ pop ballads, “thank u, next” offers a refreshing insight on how to handle breakups, lost friendships, and general conflicts with other people. Here’s how you can implement “thank u, next” into your life.
Let it go. After a breakup, a rocky end to a friendship, or a tiff with a coworker, the natural temptation is to make a vague but pointed comment, social media post, or text message. But when we throw shade, we are only inviting this event to have a negative impact on our lives. Yes, you will start drama and yes, the other person or people will most likely feel your wrath, but truly, you are only distracting yourself with events that shouldn’t affect your life any more. Learning to let things go that may have annoyed, hurt, or offended you that no longer annoy, hurt, or offend you allows you to focus on what actually matters to you and to your life.
See the bigger picture. Let’s be honest, breakups, fallouts, and conflicts are emotionally charged events. You are going to feel depressed, hurt, disappointed, angry, and/or confused, and that’s normal. But if you analyze the situation, and look at what lessons you learned from the relationship, you can find comfort in knowing that even if you feel awful now, you are have a stronger foundation now. For example, I had a girl on my basketball team in high school who loved to make comments on my body. I mostly liked my body, and her comments made me feel like I was suddenly under a microscope. My reaction was to comment on her body, but slowly, I realized that the unity of my team was more important than petty drama I might have with a teammate, and I shouldn’t let other people’s insecurities give me a set of my own insecurities.
So, with that, learn to say thank you. People can be total jerks sometimes, and you can be a total jerk to other people. Conflict is natural, and it’s tempting when things end sour to label any past relationships as “bad,” and label the people involved as “bad,” as well. But this technique only leads to a negative perspective on the past, and ruins any chances you have for a peaceful relationship with that person. Now, some relationships are truly toxic, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to feel grateful for people who were manipulative or abusive to you, but most relationships were positive before things started to go downhill. Saying thank you for the love, time shared, lessons learned, and personality traits that you received from past relationships is a pivotal piece of both moving on and keeping a civil relationship with that person.
Embrace your future. When strong relationships are broken or disintegrate in our lives, the prospects of life without those relationships can frighten us. It’s going to be uncomfortable for a while– you might have to change your routine daily routine, avoid certain spots for a period of time, and will feel alone sometimes. The best way to embrace your future is to focus back on you. Relationships are sharing yourself, and sometimes, you will lose or weaken parts of yourself from the natural push and pull of relationships. Take a good look at yourself after you’ve said “thank u, next” and decide on what parts of yourself need to be revamped. Maybe it’s time you try new social circles, a new exercise routine, read a new book, embrace an old hobby, or pursue a dream or passion you’ve been contemplating for a while.
We all need to “thank u, next” to our old grudges, toxic friends, loves that have no direction, habits that do not help us achieve our goals, and our petty dramas. At the end of the day, the best way to live a positive life is to stop adding and start subtracting negativity.