Why are we so obsessed with first love stories? They are highly overrated. It’s not hard to fall in love for the first time, if anything, it’s way too damn easy. You have nothing to be afraid of, no precursor of heartbreak. Everyone always wants to talk about the first boy you fell in love with. Why? He isn’t anything special. He didn’t have to fight for you, overcome your emotional wall or deal with your baggage, hell, he IS the baggage. The guy we should be praising, writing endless albums and novels for is boy number two. The boy who came after boy number one and convinced you to give love another shot. He is the real prince charming.
The kiss of life
After your first breakup, your first real, real, breakup… it’s hard to be happy. It feels like everyone was in on the secret that no one really survives their first love, and they just now let you in on it. Your world changes. Everything looks different, is different. The world doesn’t look as pretty as before. It takes a long time to start enjoying life again. Having a loving support group and giving yourself time to heal and adjust to your new life helps, but I think boy number two plays the biggest role in breathing you back to life.
He had to put in the work. It’s not easy to make someone’s heart beat after it’s been broken. He had to overcome your emotional blockers, your distrust, your fear of liking someone again. He proved to you that love can be soft and sweet. He brought back the butterflies. He made you feel nervous before your first date, swoon over you first kiss and excited about seeing his name pop up on your phone. Having someone genuinely interested in you, and complimenting things about you that boy number one didn’t appreciate, is the greatest medicine.
Boy number two doesn’t have to be the love of your life or your next boyfriend. He can just be a fling or a boy you makeout with by the lake. Boy number two, no matter how long he exists in your world, helps bring color back into your heart.
Helps you grow into the new you
The person you were before your heart was broken is gone. Love changes you, permanently. And I think maybe, that’s the hardest thing to get used to after he’s gone. You can’t go back to being ‘her’ because you’ve seen the other side. The other side of love where no matter how many arms are holding you up and wiping your tears, you can’t pick yourself up off the floor.
There is no ‘getting back to normal.’ It’s about learning and growing into this new you, a better you.
Boy number two helps you feel more comfortable as this new version of yourself because he doesn’t like the untainted, pure, ‘before him’ you. He fell for the girl who he sees in front of him today. A girl who has been deceived, lied to, mishandled.
Your past didn’t turn you into a hand-me-down or ‘used’ item. He sees you all shiny and new. And, he helps you see yourself that way too.
Love isn’t a one and done
The biggest lesson boy number two teaches you, is that there is always going to be another boy. It seems silly, but after the first one turns sour, you truly feel like you lost your one shot at love. And that’s total BULL.
It’s really damaging to think of the ‘next one’ as the ‘right one’ because when he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right, you feel defeated and lost. You shouldn’t see men as missed opportunities for love, you should see them as lessons learned and stepping stones into becoming the best version of yourself.
Boy number two shows you that there will always be another boy lined up to fall in love with you. There is going to be many, many, many more prince charmings, trash bags, f*ck boys, and almosts until you find ‘him.’ And that’s okay.
The truth is your first heartbreak isn’t going to be the only one. Your heart is going to break and shatter endlessly, but it will race again too. Love has its ups and downs, but the ride always starts again.
So, look forward to boy number two, number six and boy number whatever because they each will add something to your life and change you into a better you.