As a long-time member of the single girl community, it is my most begrudging duty to announce that wedding season is upon us.
That’s right. It’s the time of year where overbearing family members turn to us at wedding ceremonies and ask us when we’re going to be next. It’s the time of friends telling you to put a checkmark by “plus one” on your response card. The time of poorly fitting pastel dresses and your Aunt Cheryl announcing to an entire group of wedding guests that you are going to catch the bouquet because you are definitely one of the “single ladies” at the reception.
Here are some tips and tricks to get you through this trying time.
Keep reminding yourself that there is free cake.
You know, you may be suffering, but at the end of it all, there will be cake that you can shove your face with.
Take it easy at the open bar.
You’re going to be alone in those photos. If you’re sober, it’s less likely you’ll be doing anything embarrassing in them. Plus, sober make-up is usually better make-up.
Don’t feel pressured about the plus one.
You guys, it says “plus one” not, “bring a date.” Drag your best friend. I guarantee that with a little bribing and the promise of free cake and the ability to mock your drunken family members and peers, a best friend would be so down to be your wedding date.
Don’t bother trying to find your soulmate.
Lonely people plus weddings equal crazy sex. Do that after a couple vodka sodas after all the pictures have been taken.
Lonely people plus weddings DOES NOT EQUAL solid life partners. Do not expect to find a husband at someone else’s husband-getting affair.
Feel free to skip it.
I know that sounds terrible, but unless it’s your best friend or a really close family member, or you’re a member of the wedding party, what are the odds the bride and groom will even notice you’re there? They’re hungry, wearing really uncomfortable shoes, and the place is crawling with their cheek-pinching great-aunts. Offer to take them out for a drink when all the hype has died down. Then you’re not dealing with everyone and their uncle.
If you are in the wedding party, try to remember it’s their big day.
It can be hard to remember that you are not the victim when you’re smiling for your 38th picture, holding the bride’s train, and wearing a dress that is a shade of purple that does not occur in the natural world. Trust me. I know. But it’s what the couple wants, and you don’t have time to be the reason their wedding was ruined when they look back in five years.
We’re in college. Have your own fun.
This is the hardest thing to remember as the resident single girl at a wedding. But y’all, we’re still in our prime. Who needs men? Go out and grab a bite with your friends, laugh about all the people who are tied down with one person when you can basically do whatever you want.
Most importantly, keep remembering the free cake.