It’s likely you’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship at one point in your life, whether you are aware of it or not. Emotional abuse, however, is not limited to romantic relationships–an abusive friendship can be just as damaging. Here’s a list of some common behaviors of emotional abusers that should be seen as possible red flags:
1. They get irrationally angry over insignificant things
Emotionally abusive people will get angry with you over tiny things, and blow them out of proportion. They often won’t have a rational explanation for their anger, and will be unwilling to discuss the issue with you. One of the most common characteristics of emotional abusers is making you feel guilty and at fault for things you can’t control. If your friend or partner seems constantly angry over silly things, it may be part of a bigger, more harmful pattern.
2. They deny or invalidate your experiences (gaslighting)
One of the ways emotional abusers gain control over you is by telling you that whatever you experienced didn’t happen. If you call them out for something they did, they may tell you that you’re making things up, or being overdramatic. Victims often feel as if they’re paranoid or crazy because their abusers convince them their experiences weren’t real. Emotional abuse can change a victim’s perception of reality.
3. They constantly criticize and put you down
Emotional abusers often attempt to establish dominance over you by criticizing you. Insults are often passed off with a “I’m just kidding,” but it’s usually only a way to soften the blow, and make them seem less harmful. They might insult your decisions, looks, intelligence, or anything else to make you feel small and insecure. They want you to feel like no one else will love you, so you are tricked into staying with them. If you’re in any relationship where you are consistently mocked and put down, that’s enough of a reason to cut the person off instantly.
4. They try to control your decisions
Emotionally abusive people seek control over you. The most explicit way they do this is by trying to make decisions for you, big or small. They may tell you what you should wear, or what hair color to choose, as well as how to handle major life decisions. Any relationship where someone tries to control what you do, and who you are is toxic, and should be reevaluated or cut-off.
5. They want you all to themselves
Not allowing you to spend time with others is another way emotional abusers control their victims. They get angry or upset when you do things that don’t involve them, or you don’t spend as much time with them as they desire. Time with your friend or partner should be voluntary and positive, and if it isn’t, it might be time to get out.
This is not an all-inclusive guide to emotional abuse – there are many other warning signs and toxic behaviors. This is only a list of behaviors I, and others around me, have experienced. If you think you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship, contact the University of Utah Counseling Center at http://counselingcenter.utah.edu, or reach out to someone you know and trust.