Back in the day I was an avid dancer. I spent my life in front of a mirror, watching my body language, facial expressions and mirroring movements. If I saw my foot sickle I would change it without a second thought. I knew my reflection so well.
Until recently, it’s been a few years since I have picked up choreography. I watched the angles my body made. I was different. The way I stood, what my smile looked like, what a serious expression felt like. Yes, I was out of practice, but I didn’t feel like I sucked at dancing. I was just a new person in the mirror to analyze.
The idea of “losing yourself” can be existential. Your life flipped upside-down and you feel like you’re falling only to hit your head at rock bottom. The best way to put you back together is to break first, right? You start by finding the easy pieces of your life and work your way to the harder ones. That’s a situation some go through and define it as “losing themselves.” I am not one who can say whether or not that is valid, but I don’t see that as losing yourself.
There are two types of people you can be.
Some of you may be strongly one sided or a mix of both.
You are the first type if you have no idea who you are and life’s a journey trying to find that person. It is all about the ride to you. (Psych geeks: I see this as nature not nurture) You probably travel a lot or as much as you can. You have multiple hobbies and interests. Your “type” is across the board in friendships and relationships. You are trying to find out what kind of life you want to live. Over time, there becomes a variety of experiences you take with you and some you leave behind. But if you do something that contributed to learning about yourself, your mission was accomplished.
Second, are the ones who know who they are; if this is you, you have loved the same things since you were young and you stay in long relationships. You seem like you’re good at everything you’re doing, but it is really because you do what you have always known, thus cultivating your talents. To you, losing yourself is drifting away, trying new things, getting ideas and acting upon them. But at the end of the day, week, month or year you find out that you are the same person who jumped into a different world. You just have to give new experiences a try to expand the person you already are.
Sometimes we need someone new to find
There are people who become apart of who you are. Some of their best traits have become yours, and maybe also some of their worst too. That can come to an end and you need to lose that part of yourself, you need to let go. Let’s say an experience happened and you felt as if it began to define you. For example, you join a sorority and now you have become apart of the definition “sorority girl.” The things you start to care about are justified because you joined a world where t-shirt designs are life or death, girls slightly younger than you become your child and letting a frat guy slam a pie in your face is your way of giving back. Ask yourself, would you care even when Greek sisters aren’t influencing you? My answer was “no” and yours may be “yes” but I needed to let that part of me go and see who and what would replace it.
We want to turn the corner and see a different reflection. Whether you find the old that ventured out for a while, or you discovered an entirely different person, it is nice to feel new. All you have to do is go out and live.
When I decided to change my name from ‘Kristen’ to ‘Krissi’ it was a more symbolic transition than I thought it would be. I began by changing my Facebook name. Everyone I knew remained calling me Kristen, but I began to notice the new people I met because to him or her I was Krissi. I slowly started introducing myself by my new name. When I moved to Washington after graduation I had a clean slate but thought ‘Kristen’ sounded more professional than ‘Krissi.’ Since I did move for a job, I remained Kristen until my coworkers and I became Facebook friends and they picked up on my new name. After a while of switching off between the two names I became Krissi every time. I changed my email, social media and proudly introduced myself with the name that I felt to be the best representation of me. I knew changing what I go by was a turning point into finding the new me. Neither happened over night and “Krissi” had to take a lot of risks that “Kristen” wouldn’t of had to in order to turn the corner and see someone new.
Lose your mind
Whoever told you daydreaming was a bad way to spend your time was lying. Take a break from racing thoughts and be in the moment. This will give you a chance to ask questions that you have wanted answers to or come up with the next move you’re going to make in life. Lose your mind while staring at something beautiful, when you’re blasting music in your room, during meditation, or when you are zoning out.
There are many different forms of meditation to help you explore the depths of your mind. I suggest stretching at night, focusing on only breathing, or even taking a walk. The purpose of this is to find understanding and clarity.
You can even blow your mind to lose it. By this I mean find the extraordinary. I would snorkel almost everyday in Kauai and never failed to run into the turtle family. Seeing them gliding through the electric blue water absolutely blew my mind.
Whenever I want to check out of reality, I buy a large popcorn and a movie ticket. A movie can also be a ticket to regaining your sanity. There is a huge screen in a completely dark room that puts your mind in a different place.
Lose your body
Spend a little bit of time off the path. Go out dancing for a night and only move to the music. Drive with the windows down and travel as far as you can go. If you start kissing someone, don’t stop and laugh uncontrollably.
Losing your body can also mean feeling pain. While driving to Seattle I rolled my car three and a half times. Each time the car landed on my side of the window my entire body stung. I had to let myself feel it all since there was nothing I could do until it was over. I wasn’t thinking about what happened the day before or my list of to do’s. Being out of control isn’t always fun but in the end can take you somewhere else.
Let go
As a little girl I was the one who always left an item of mine behind after a sleepover. Through my teen and into my young adult life I became notorious for losing pretty important items such as my keys, cell phone, wallet, car etc. The feeling that bubbles in your chest during the moment of realization that you lost something is uniquely awful. The hardest part is when you ask yourself how could I let myself lose this? That question can’t always be answered. The only thing you can do from there is find it, or don’t. When the universe takes something away from you it means you need to let it go. Imagine holding onto a rope that is getting pulled out of your grip so naturally you hold on tighter, your hand is red and hurts but the second you release the rope from your grasp you feel immediate relief. It is okay to feel relieved when you have let what you lost go.
Give your heart
Rather than letting people steal your heart, give it to those who deserve it. It can get frustrating when we are left regretting giving our hearts that end up broken. The more love you give out the more you will get. Become lost in other peoples company and do as Hoizer sings:
“There’s an art to life’s distractions
To somehow escape the burning weight
The art of scraping through
Some like to imagine
The darker caress of someone else I guess any thrill will do
Would things be easier
If there was a right way, honey there is no right way
And so I fall in love just a little ol’ little bit
Every day with someone new”
Find yourself
Something must be lost before it can be found.