How 'Sex and the City' Helped Me Get Over My Break-Up

 

 

Breakups are always painful, they’re the absolute worst and the thing is when we’re going through them we put the idea in our heads that no one else knows our pain. Which is ironic because thousands of songs and poems are written about this very thing. We think no one understands us and our unique situation. During my recent breakup I found four women who understand me perfectly; Charlotte York, Samantha Jones, Miranda Hobbes and Carrie Bradshaw.

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These women have been through the worst of breakups. Carrie and Big had an on and off again relationship only to keep finding out he wouldn’t fully commit to her like she wanted (haven’t we all been there). Miranda and Steve broke up due to their many differences and wants out of life. Charlotte and Trey didn’t work because she wanted kids and he didn’t. Samantha and Richard ended quickly when she caught him cheating on her with another women. All of these women broke up with men who they still were madly in love with but still found it in them to get out of bed in the morning and try again. To watch these four women struggle with the same recurring issues I’ve dealt with in my dating life was reassuring for me to see that I’m not the only one.

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Take Charlotte for example, a complete hopeless romantic who all she wants out of life is to find ‘the one.’ Through all of her dating flops and dead end marriage, Charlotte still had hope in love. She decided she was going to find it no matter what the universe or anyone told her. Through all the heartbreak and trial she did it, she found ‘the one’ even though it was someone she completely didn’t expect to end up with. Charlotte taught me to never give up on love, no matter how hopeless it seems, if you want it you will find it.

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Samantha Jones is a power house. She is the best example of a women freely embracing her sexuality without the worry of being labeled a ‘slut.’ Samantha has no shame in what she does, she likes sex and that’s that. Although being cheated on by Richard and the disappointment she faced for finally being able to put her heart on the line just to get it crushed, Samantha never doubted herself or her worth. Samantha’s famous line “I love you but I love me more,” is something I strive for. To be able to love yourself so much you never doubt your worth even when a man tempts you to.

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Miranda Hobbes is the beloved cynic of the group and sometimes we need that cynicism in relationships to help us stay on the more ‘realistic’ path. I know I can sometimes get carried away in the romance and ‘feelings’ in a relationship where all logic just goes right out the window. Miranda is not that person, she doesn’t get wrapped up in the romance of relationships (I presume Miranda to be a Capricorn). She’s a hopeful realist who is ready for the inevitable and the inevitable is mostly always a breakup. Work comes first for her and she doesn’t allow any man in her life who is intimidated by her power and success because that shit just ain’t cute. Watching Miranda inspired me to work hard on my career and not let any man make me feel bad for my success. Sometimes in relationships one has to be a little cynical and realistic when it comes to the future and not get so captivated by the lovey dovey aspects.

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Finally, Carrie Bradshaw a character almost everyone can relate to in one aspect or another. Carrie taught me that when you’re looking for love, real love don’t be afraid to walk away from anything less than that. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve and don’t settle for someone who isn’t sure about YOU. She redefined the ‘single girl’; it’s not someone who no one wants, it’s someone who is working on themselves and living their best life until they find someone spectacular enough to share that life with them. Seeing Carrie be so sure and independent about herself and her future has made me strive for that level of independence and acceptance about being ‘single and fabulous.’

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When I first was going through my breakup I didn’t feel like anyone understood me and what I was feeling. Watching ‘Sex and the City,’ as cliche as it sounds, helped me to be confident about being the single girl again. Dating’s hard for everyone and life is going to throw a lot of curveballs in relationships. Watching how each character uniquely deals with these situations helps me to not feel like the only one who goes through this bullshit. Each women has so much charisma and strong attributes to them that inspire me to be more like them. I aspire to be more open-hearted and hopeful as Charlotte is about love. To be more self assured in myself and my sexuality like Samantha, to not let anyone interfere with how I feel about myself. I strive to be more realistic about life and relationships like Miranda, to not let anyone make me feel bad about being a powerful and successful women. I also hope to be more like Carrie, to not settle for anything less than what I know I deserve and finding happiness in being ‘single and fabulous’ until I find someone who's worth my while.