Listen, I know how hard confrontation is. No one wants to deal with it, but everyone has been through it. I’m not going to pretend that I am some expert on handling confrontation, because I’m not. I’m incredibly bad at it! A lot of the time I have to teach myself how to get through a confrontation when facing it. I know so many people (including myself) that will just agree with what the other person is saying/wants from you just to end a confrontation. It’s so important to NOT do that. It’s going to be hard no matter what, so let’s go through some important things to remember for the next time you are faced with a problem.
Let’s be honest here, you are going to have at least one confrontation in your lifetime. People argue and have different opinions on things. Chances are, you will be one of those people. It sucks because you never wake up one day and just know you are going to have a confrontation. Most of the time, they are totally unexpected. You can be talking with a friend about something and suddenly find yourselves at opposite ends of a matter. Human’s are emotional beings, so if someone feels passionately about something, they are going to handle it passionately as well. It is important to remember to KEEP YOUR COOL. It’s so easy to get completely wrapped up in an argument and find yourselves in a screaming match. It’s hard not to let passion take over, and honestly, you aren’t going to be able to keep completely calm. You are probably going to get angry, and that’s okay! It’s okay to feel things! You just need to remember that the other person is a human too. They have their own ideas about things, and just because yours are different, does not make theirs wrong. You need to respect the other person and see things from their side. Why do they feel this way about something that you feel differently about? It’s easy to get self-centered in our own ways of thinking, but no one is always completely right. Consider that you may be wrong about what you think!
Alright, so what if someone is confronting you about something you did, and they’re angry about it? So many of us, when faced with obvious anger about something that we potentially did wrong, can become incredibly defensive. Your first reaction might be to get angry and deny, deny, deny. Instead of doing that, why don’t you just take a second to process what you are hearing. What is this person angry about? Do they know the whole story? Did you do something that maybe you shouldn’t have? And most importantly, are you considering why this person is hurt by what you did? I know, trust me, I KNOW how easy it is to deny something you definitely did. It’s so easy to lie instead of telling the truth and holding yourself accountable. If you lie and deny that you ever did the thing you are accused of, you look like a good person, while the person accusing you looks bad. I just want to say you’re better than that. You are (most likely) an adult. You need to learn how to take accountability for your actions. If you did something bad, own up to it. The other person will be so much for grateful that you are being honest instead of lying. Yes, this person may be mad, but this is the first step to solving something. You COULD deny it and just have the whole thing over with, but that person will hold resentment towards you because of this. Just take a deep breath, explain what you did and why you did it, and apologize. You may not have purposefully done something to hurt another person, but here is where you need to think about how that affected other people. You will feel better about yourself, I promise.
Don’t be Ted (pictured in the GIF above for those of you not familiar with HIMYM). Don’t run away from confrontation. You may just want to get it over with, but rushing through an argument can leave a lot unsaid and unresolved. That will come back and manifest itself into further arguments. Seriously, when faced with an issue, try and deal with the whole thing. You don’t want to leave things to fester and get worse. It can be really really hard to confront people, so if you’re being confronted, or you are the confrontee (is that a word?) then you probably are feeling really strongly about the thing that is bothering you. It’s not good to keep things to yourself so that they bother you. Things will only be resolved if you talk to the person responsible. It’s so easy to just let things slide because you don’t want a confrontation, but don’t let yourself do this. You need to stand up for your values and morals. Letting yourself go along with something another person says that you don’t believe in, is a bad look. You can’t let yourself be walked all over, just because it’s easier and won’t make the other person mad. If someone does something that bothers you, speak up! If they say something hurtful, speak up! If they do something that hurts you, or other people, SPEAK UP! Silence is the same thing as being passive.
I’m not perfect, and you aren’t either. I definitely have times where I handle confrontation wrongly, or just downright avoid it. There are so many things where I let things slide, when I shouldn’t have. I’m trying to be better, and you should too. You are your own best friend, so take care of yourself. Stick up for yourself and your values. Let yourself be passionate, but not at the expense of another person. Own up to your mistakes. We’re human, things happen. What we can do is remain respectful and calm, and know when to walk away. Always put yourself in other people’s shoes, and remember that you are not the only person who is allowed to have opinions. I hope you don’t have a confrontation anytime soon, but if you do, try and remember this article. Cheers!