It was never labeled. You knew, they knew, everyone knew…right? You talked almost everyday. The feelings are obviously there, and you’re on Cloud Nine. You feel like you are living in a dream, that nothing can go wrong. A few weeks go by, and you wake up without a text. “Maybe they’re just really busy today,” you think to yourself. The end of the day rolls around, and you still haven’t heard from them. You narrow your eyes, trying to bury the thoughts and emotions that start welling up. You try to convince yourself that you will hear from them tomorrow. You attempt to sleep but wake up again to no message from them. You create scenarios in your head about how busy they are. But, busy all week? All month? Waves of panic and anxiety start to collide, and your chest feels tight. Their sudden disinterest quickly transforms your mind into a battlefield.
The feelings were there, right? Did other people assume we were dating too, or was it just me? It wasn’t official by any means, but you knew everything about them — from how they got that scar on their foot when they were five, to their favorite song to blast with the windows down, and even their hearts deepest desires. So, what went wrong? Worse–what did I do wrong? Why won’t they talk to me? Why won’t they help me understand? You could have sworn that they gave you all the signs they were all in, too. You panic and think back, were they all in? You wonder day in and day out why they gave up. You wrack your brain trying to recall every detail — every text message, every pithy comment, every flirty glance — wondering what went wrong and where. The anxiety and worry wells up, and your throat starts to close. How could someone just pack up and walk away from you like that?
How do you move on? How do you pick yourself up and dust yourself off?
The hardest part about getting over someone you never dated is getting the closure you need. You’ll find yourself asking if you are justified in feeling upset, and hurt by their actions. And you should know that you are. Don’t feel as though you need the validation of your friends to be justified in your heartbreak or to receive closure. You were left with a hole in your heart that feels like it will never be filled, and you have every right to feel that way.
You’re allowed to feel that feel red-hot iron stabbing you when their name is mentioned. You’ll still hope that they feel that too when you are mentioned. Every time your phone goes off, you’ll scramble to it, hoping it is a text from them. But, please don’t go desperately re-breaking your heart over someone who does not deserve you. Sit down. Grab a pen and a piece of paper. Write down all your feelings of hurt, guilt, confusion, of resentment. The ‘what if’s’, the ‘I said, you said’s’… get them all out on that page. Now burn the page. Feel your pain and anger slowly fade with the falling ash.
You did everything you could. Accept it, and fill that hole with something you love: doodles, Grey’s Anatomy, puppies, or canyon drives. Just do something that makes you happy, something that takes your mind off them, for even just a moment. That glimmer of stillness, of happiness, of breathlessness you feel as you breathe in the crisp canyon air? That is confidence. That is freedom. That is being content with yourself, and who you are. When the day comes, you will find someone who will love you the way you deserve and will never, ever, give up.