In our routine lives, we are constantly making judgments. We ask ourselves questions like, ‘What should I wear today?’ and ‘Should I do this or that?’ We get so absorbed in what we’re doing and why that when anyone falls out of line with the norm, it strikes us as weird or laughable.
It happens every day, so instinctively that it often goes unnoticed and is brushed aside. Whether it’s the girl in Chemistry who wears too much lipstick or the boy walking across campus wearing a Pokémon hat, it seems there is never a shortage of people with something that makes them different—they make for an easy laugh or a funny picture on your Snapchat story.
This may sound normal, harmless even, but small judgments can lead to big consequences. A simple comment can ruin an entire day and shake a person’s self-esteem. Last year, I was having a terrible day; I slept through my alarm and missed my first class, tripped and fell in front of the library, and nearly failed my statistics midterm. As I was walking to the bus stop from my last class, I bumped into a girl who was walking with friends and quickly apologized, but while walking away I heard one of them laugh and whisper to the group that I was a freak. On a normal day, I would have thought it was ridiculous that anyone would say something after a simple mistake and let it go, but that day I took the comment as more evidence that I was a failure and cried the whole way home.
No one wants to be judged. We all live our lives in fear of judgment—dressing, talking, and acting as “normal” as we can to try and blend in with a certain group. Yet, no matter what we do, there will always be people who find something wrong with us. It’s a pattern that has been in place since the beginning of civilization, and it’s not going anywhere. However, while we can’t escape being judged, we can actively stop judging. Here’s how:
Be aware of your thoughts.
I once read, “You are your second thought,” meaning the first thing that pops into your mind is what you’re trained to think, and your reaction to that thought is who you are. The media has taught us all what is “cool” and what is not, but we can fight against that. Be aware of what you’re thinking, and when a judgmental thought comes to mind, think a second thought that pushes back against the first one. Tell yourself that everyone is entitled to their style and personality, and just because you wouldn’t do or wear that, doesn’t make them wrong.
For every negative thought, think three positive ones.
It’s not all about you. Recognizing that you’ve thought something that is rude or inconsiderate is great, but recognition itself won’t fix the problem. You need to train yourself to look for the good in people, rather than the bad. When judgmental thoughts come to mind, think of at least three reasons way that person is awesome instead. When you practice kindness, it becomes second nature.
Give compliments.
Once you’ve recognized the good in someone, share it! Instead of simply feeling bad for thinking something rude, take initiative and pay a compliment. This will completely brighten their day and it will make it so much easier to recognize that they’re human, not just objects waiting to be judged. Think of how many times a comment from a stranger at the grocery store about your outfit made you smile a little bit and give you an extra confidence boost–be that to another person! We have to show that genuine kindness to our loved ones too; this is the perfect way to show the people in your life how much you adore and appreciate their presence.
Judging is human nature—it isn’t reserved for mean girls and snobs. It is a part of all of us and keeps us from making bad decisions. However, when judging turns mean, remember to recognize the thoughts, change them, and then act on them. We inevitably impact the people we come in contact with, so make sure that impact is a positive one. A little kindness can go a long way.